Crazy Monkey House Eats

Easy Mini-Apple Pie

2010-12-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

Santa was very good to me this year. One of his hits was a coveted set of Le Creuset Mini Round Cocottes. I put them to good use immediately to create a yummy Christmas dessert. These can be made in any small bakeware.

Easy Mini-Apple Pies

(makes 2)

1 sheet defrosted puff pastry

1 large red apple, chopped

1/8 cup brown sugar

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp nutmeg

2 tbs butter, cut into chunks

1 tbs butter, melted

Allspice

2 tbs maple syrup

Fresh whipped cream (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 400 F.

2. In a medium bowl, combine the apple, brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Stir well. Divide into baking dishes. Top with cold butter.

3. Cut the puff pastry large enough to hang over sides of baking dish. Place on top off dishes and crimp dough along the edges of the dish.

4. Baste the pastry tops with melted butter. Sprinkle with allspice. Bake for 30 minutes or until golden brown.

5. Remove from oven. Crack shell in the middle and pour one tablespoon maple syrup into each pie. Top with whipped cream and enjoy.

Sausage and Peppers, Two Ways

2010-08-03T14:32:00.000-06:00

I had just about given up on the return of my willingness to blog when, low and behold, it showed back up. Maybe it's because I have a delicious way to use leftovers to post. Maybe it's because I received a comment that wasn't in Chinese and didn't translate into porn websites. Whatever the reason, it's back. I do have a feeling that it may just be kind of testing the waters.

I admit that I came up with this dinner after I watched an episode of the Jersey Shore. Don't judge me. I can do what I want.

Sausage Peppers

First Way: Oven-baked

We make this for two adults, a sausage a person, doubled so that there are leftovers.

1 tablespoon olive oil

4 hot Italian sausages

3 large bell peppers, sliced

8 oz of assorted mushrooms (we like brown and white buttons), sliced

1 large onion, thinly sliced

1/2 cup white wine

2 tsp oregano (dried)

2 tsp fennel seeds

1/4 tsp kosher salt

1. Preheat the oven to 400.

2. In a 5 quart stovetop and oven safe pan, heat the olive oil over a medium flame.

3. Brown the sausages in the oil, roughly 30 seconds each side. Remove from heat.

3. Add the bell peppers, mushrooms, onions, white wine, fennel, oregano, and salt into the pan on top of the sausages.

5. Cover and cook 45 to 60 minutes (until the sausages are done). Serve hot with a side salad.

Second Way: Grilled Pepperonata Sandwiches

The leftover sausages and peppers gets turned into this for a quick meal the following day.

In addition to leftovers from the above meal, you need:

2 hoagie rolls

several thin slices of mozzarella

dijon

mayo

1. Preheat your barbecue to medium.

2. Barbecue leftover sausages until hot.

3. In the meantime, on a grill top or in a large skillet on medium high heat, warm the vegetables. When the sausages are almost warm, place the cheese on top of the vegetables and push them around a bit so it gets the vegetables all melty.

4. Lightly grill the buns. Prepare with mayo, mustard, or whatever else you'd like. Add the sausages and top with the cheesy vegetables.

Drool.

Hello Bangkok!

2010-02-15T17:49:00.005-07:00

When not in Bangkok, we dream about this bowl of soup. The vendor that dishes this up is out of this world! We often wonder if the memory of this soup is better than the real thing. It isn't. My mind can't dream up anything more wonderful than this.

I did it. I tried some of David's bugs. I ate one and threw up a little in the back of my throat. As I have a firm two taste rule, I had to try another one. It was no better the second time around. David is wrong...They don't taste like the world's best potato chips. They taste like cricket. He thinks that the large grasshoppers are better than the crickets, but there was no way in hell I was going to let that squish and crunch through my teeth.

Kahlua Butter Cream Frosting

2010-01-11T15:39:00.003-07:00

This past weekend, my dad celebrated his 62nd birthday. We held a surprise party Friday night and a family dinner Saturday night, complete with ten pounds of clams, a shrimp salad with a homemade blue cheese dressing, and parmesan garlic toast. My mom really dusted off her cooking skills for the family dinner. I wanted to lighten her load and make dessert. Seeing as how there was a birthday and all, I made a devil's food cake, my father's favorite.

Butter cream frosting was the natural compliment, seeing as how my father loves butter creams. Apparently, so does my husband. Once the mixture was set aside to cool, I couldn't keep him out of the butter cream mixture. He must have ate two cups of the final product. I married a sugar fiend. The kahlua adds a wonderful coffee flavor to the frosting, but you can use orange extract, almond extract, bourbon, coconut extract, and so on.

Kahlua Butter Cream Frosting

8 egg yolks

2/3 cup sugar

4 tbs kahlua

3 sticks butter, softened

2 tsp vanilla

1. In a double boiler over boiling water, combine the egg yolks, sugar, and kahlua. Whisk until the mixture becomes thick and has a pale, even color (5-10 minutes). Remove from heat and let cool.

2. In a mixer bowl, combine the butter and vanilla. Mix with the electric mixer until the butter is very fluffy.

3. Slowly incorporate the kahlua mixture into the butter. Mix until well blended. The frosting is now ready to use.

The Great Computer Crash of '09

2009-12-30T10:13:00.005-07:00

Here's the tasty things that I had lined up that you will not be seeing:

Guatemalan black beans

White bean and tofu chili

Spicy white bean chicken soup

Halibut fish sticks

Thank you, Toshiba laptop, for dying a hard death only seven months after your purchase. I treated you well, kept you updated for viruses, never abused you with water or a fall. I really couldn't be more elated that you have chosen to die now that I have to pay the cost of a new Macbook to replace you. What did you do for me in those seven months? Nothing that is worth the $100 per month breakdown of your cost. You wooed me with your cheap price, $900 under the Macbook. Now I know your true cost because, somewhere in that Great Crashed Laptops home in the sky, you have all my photography and my iTunes library. Well-played, Toshiba, well-played.

All Purpose Caramel Sauce

2009-12-20T10:30:00.007-07:00

My kitchen seems to be constantly sticky as I make batch after batch of this stuff for gifts. I've drizzled it over sliced apples and topped those with warm, toasted almonds to create easy caramel apples for a work shin-dig. I've slathered a gift cheesecake with the stuff. On top of brownies, over a banana split...Caramel sauce makes everything better.

Caramel Sauce

makes three 6 ounce jars

3 cups white sugar

3/4 cup water

12 ounces heavy cream

3 tsp lemon juice

2 tbs pure vanilla extract

3 tbs butter

1. Place a two quart pot over medium heat. When warm, add the sugar and water. Stir until well combined.

2. Let the combination simmer but not boil, for 30 minutes or until the sugar looks like a dark, golden amber. Do not stir! Every five minutes, gently swirl the pot around.

3. When the sauce has turned color, turn the heat very low. Add the cream. It will bubble like crazy. Stir very well but do not try to stir in the stuff that has hardened around the sides. This stuff is basically rock candy and will only make your sauce chunky.

4. Add the lemon juice and vanilla. Keep stirring until well combined.

5. Remove from heat. Over a bowl or Pyrex measuring cup, strain the sauce using a fine-mesh sieve. Stir the butter into the bowl until melted.

If you are giving these away as gifts, you can put the sauce into the small glass canning jars and a) run them through a hot water bath to make the lid pop down for presentation purposes or b) just put the lid on because it has to go into the fridge either way.

For home use, I just stick it in a squeeze bottle and try to keep myself away from the apples.

This sauce will keep for about a month well-refrigerated.

Hiatus Shmiatus

2009-12-02T10:15:00.003-07:00

After our world was shook up in late July, the CrazyMonkeyHouse crew is back and ready to blog! I'm feeling 75% better and am eating again. The hiatus has ended.

Thank you to everyone that reached out to us to show support over the past few months. I'm very grateful to everyone that has CrazyMonkeyHouseEats on their reader list despite the lack of posts for a few months.

CrazyMonkeyHouseEats will resume its tasty posts by next week!

Smoked Almonds

2009-09-29T16:29:00.009-06:00

This recipe isn't for everyone as it requires a smoker. There's none of that namby-pamby "smoke flavoring" here. If you do have one and are an almond lover, rejoice! Not only can you greatly reduce cost by smoking your own almonds, you'll probably enjoy the taste a lot more. Keep an eye out for sales on unroasted, unsalted almonds and buy them in bulk.

While it is a multi-day task, it's highly rewarding. I like to soak the nuts Friday night, dry them on Saturday, and smoke them on Sunday. The process isn't very labor-intensive until smoking day.

Make sure to keep your nuts away from the hottest part of the smoker. Otherwise, the back-breaking work of sorting the good nuts from the burned ones will make you thankful that you're not a professional almond sorter. It will also make you appreciate the next can of perfectly roasted nuts you purchase. Somewhere, in some third world country, some child sorted nuts for 12 hours a day to help fill that can.

Smoked Almonds

2 lbs unroasted, unsalted almonds
2 cups kosher salt
1 quart water
Hickory or Maple wood

1. In a large pot, combine the water and salt. Stir to dissolve.
2. Add the almonds. Set aside to soak for 24 hours.
3. Drain nuts. Set out to dry on paper towels.
4. Heat smoker, keeping heat between 180 and 200 F for the entire process.
5. Line smoker racks with cheesecloth and lay out nuts in one to two layers per rack.
6. Smoke for 3 - 4 hours, stirring every 20 minutes. Two hours in, alternate the rack positions.

After three hours, start checking your nuts for flavor. When the smoke taste permeates the entire nut, they are done.

Shellfish in White Wine, Butter, and Garlic

2009-09-17T15:31:00.004-06:00

I didn't mean to go so long without posting a recipe. Really. Hopefully, this recipe will make up for it. It's super quick, can be adjusted to feed many or few, and is impressive when served at dinner parties.

Shellfish in White Wine, Butter, and Garlic

24 mussels

24 clams

1 cup 80/110 scallops

8 tbs unsalted butter, cut into one tbs pieces

1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, halved

2 1/2 cups Viognier

3 cloves of garlic, chopped

1 small white onion, chopped

1/4 cup chopped Italian parsley

1/4 cup chopped basil

1/4 tsp kosher salt

1. In a large pot over medium heat, combine the wine, onion, garlic, and salt. Simmer until the onions are slightly translucent.

2. Add the clams and mussels. Cover, raise the heat to high, and cook until they are done (5 - 7 minutes).

3. Stir in the scallops.

4. Stir in the butter until melted.

5. Remove from heat and stir in the herbs.

Serve with a crusty bread for dipping!

Food Posting Will Resume Shortly

2009-09-03T08:49:00.002-06:00

I apologize for the lack of updates on this site. Of course, anyone that knows what life has been like around here for the past month will understand. I'm not staying up long enough to make dinner most nights nor do I have energy to cook on the weekends. I've been surviving off of food that smiles, which has limited me to a diet of whole grain Goldfish crackers.

I did get a big craving for some drunken noodles today, so I think my cooking bone is ready to be flexed once again.

Soon...I promise.

Mango Papaya Goodness

2009-08-02T00:01:00.000-06:00

My mom stopped by recently and said, "You're looking slim!" Those words were enough to make me fall down and kiss her feet. Not really, but they did confirm what I already knew...Smoothies are waaaaaay better for you than ice cream.

Since I've been on my "smoothie a day" kick, I've noticed a marked improvement in my digestion and energy level. I've also determined that almost anything can be blended into something wonderful-tasting.

Tropical Fruit Smoothie

1/2 papaya, deseeded and scooped out

2 mangoes, skin and pit removed

1 cup vanilla yogurt

1/4 cup orange juice

1. Put everything into the blender and blend until mostly combined.

2. Add ice to the top. Blend until smooth.

3. Enjoy the taste of the tropics. Try not think about how far the fruit travelled.

Caramel Corn

2009-07-27T15:59:00.006-06:00

I had a terrible sweet tooth last night. Caramel corn seemed like the only answer which was quite surprising as I haven't made caramel corn in almost a decade. This recipe doesn't keep...you'll have bowl of concrete if you let it sit overnight. I suggest that you pop in a good movie, gather the family around the popcorn bowl, and eat every last bite.

Caramel Corn

3/4 cup corn kernels, popped (I like to filter out kernels that don't pop)

1 cup brown sugar

1 cup honey

1 stick butter

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp vanilla (I like Madagascar Bourbon vanilla)

1. Put the popped corn into a large, paper grocery bag. Set aside.

2. In a 2 quart microwave safe bowl, plop in the brown sugar, honey, and butter. Microwave on high for two minutes. Stir. Repeat twice. Sugar should be dissolved.

3. Remove from microwave and stir in the baking soda and vanilla.

4. Pour the topping over the popcorn. Wrap the top tight and shake well for a minute or two.

5. Microwave the entire bag on high for two more minutes. Remove and pour into a bowl.

I like to eat the corn after it has sat around for about 30 minutes and has had a chance to cool down.

Ginger Chicken Soup

2009-07-22T10:52:00.005-06:00

During and after college, I often made chicken packets. Chicken was cheap and it just took a few inexpensive ingredients to create a tasty meal. By the time my mid/late twenties hit, I chickened out. No more chicken! Interestingly enough, I found comfort in my arch nemesis, the turkey.

Recently, I've been craving chicken (no mom, I am not pregnant). I remembered how much I used to enjoy chicken packets and decided to create a more grown-up version.

My husband was so excited that chicken was allowed back into the house. He went on and on about he used to watch his mom chop the head off of chickens and pluck the feathers from their goose-fleshy body. Amazingly enough, I still wanted to eat chicken!

I apologize about the formating of the recipe. Blogger is having issues, apparently.

Ginger Chicken Soup

2 chicken breast halves, bone in and skin on

2 inch piece of ginger, peeled and thinly sliced

6 green onions, thinly sliced.

2 bird's eye chili, thinly sliced

1 cup snow peas, sliced

Juice of half a lemon

1 tbs soy sauce

1 tsp sugar

Cilantro, for garnish

Rice noodles, cooked according to instructions

1. Fill a large pot with 4 cups water and bring to a boil. Add the chicken and boil for 10 minutes. Remove the chicken from the water and let cool. Remove the skin from the meat and the breast from the bone. Add the skin and bones to the pot of water and simmer until reduced by half. Remove from heat. After 10 minutes, skim off the fat.

2. Set the chicken breast on a large piece of heavy-duty foil. Slice the breasts into four or five pieces.

3. In a bowl, mix the lemon juice, soy sauce, and sugar until the sugar is dissolved. Spread the ginger and half the green onion and chili slices between the chicken pieces. Pour the sauce on top.

4. Gather the sides together and fold over to form a tightly wrapped packet. BBQ over indirect heat (325 F) for 20 minutes, gently flipping every five minutes.

5. While the chicken cooks, prepare the rice noodles. When still a bit al dente, remove from water, drain, and run cold water over them to prevent sticking.

6. Heat the stock and add the nam pla, snow peas, and the remaining green onion and chili slices. Simmer for three minutes.

7. Divide the noodles into two bowls and add the broth. Unwrap the chicken and divide the meat and juices between the bowls and serve. Garnish with cilantro.

Pho Gah! - Another Installment of "What Not to Cook"

2009-07-15T11:06:00.004-06:00

When my husband and I first met six years ago, he was eating pho up to five times a week. Our third date was to his favorite pho restaurant. While I avoided the the tendon and tripe version, I didn't shy away from much else. I loved it!

Once we had been dating for awhile, he let me in on a secret. It hadn't been a date...It was a test. If I didn't appreciate his favorite food, I was wrong for him. A willingness to eat pho, he said, showed a sense of adventure and a general acceptance of things that are "different".

A willingness to make pho, on the other had, shows that you've got a case of the crazies.

Not adventurous enough to boil ox tail and beef marrow, I took a short cut and used a pho base. It's basically large tea bag thingies that contain all of the broth flavoring: animal parts, cardamom, clove, sugar, etc.

I figured that taking this shortcut still required a lot of other work, so I set forth charring onion and ginger to add to the simmering base. With no directions on the back other than a picture of the tea bag going into a pot of water, I decided to let it simmer for 40 minutes. When it was done, we tossed in some leftover shredded chicken. The smell was to die for. I felt like I was at my favorite pho joint, minus the Buddha shrine and the little old man serving the statue coffee, tea, and cigarettes.

I soaked some rice noodles in cold water before putting them in the bottom of two bowls. Broth was spooned over it. Soon, we were drooling as we loaded our bowls up with the usual: mung bean sprouts, Thai basil, that long thing related to cilantro, jalapenos, Siracha, Hoisen sauce, red chili sauce, and a smoky chili paste.

With success on my mind, I dug in. The first bite? Disgusting. The second? Worse. It had barely passed my lips before being spit into the garbage can. This pho seriously tested my "two taste minimum" policy.

I'm pretty sure that this would have come out better had I done it the long way, but still don't think I'd have a hit. Frankly, for $4.99 a bowl at the corner pho shop, trying to make it at home is not worth my time or money.

Support your local pho restaurant!

A Berry Good Smoothie

2009-07-12T01:08:00.001-06:00

The CMH has hereby declared ice cream out and smoothies in. This has ~~everything~~ nothing to do with my fear of turning Thailand into "Thighland". For the next month, I am forgoing my beloved Haagen Dazs. Goodbye Banana Split, Fleur de Sel Caramel, Hawaiian Lehua Honey & Sweet Cream. With the heaviest heart, I say goodbye to you, dear Wildberry fro yo.

And hellooooooooo berry smoothies!

Ice cream, I may just be able to quit you after all.

Blueberry Smoothie

makes two servings

2 cups fresh blueberries

3 baby bananas (or one large banana)

3 tbs raspberry juice concentrate

1/2 cup milk

1/4 cup water

1. Fill a blender 3/4 of the way with ice. Add the water. Pulse a few times to get the ice moving.

2. Add the fruits and blend.

3. Through the feed tube, slowly add the milk. Blend until smooth and serve.

Flaky Sun-Dried Tomato and Three Cheese Bites

2009-07-06T11:23:00.013-06:00

These Mediterranean-inspired hor d'ourves were a hit at my friend's wedding after-party, amongst frou-frou and non-frou-frou alike.

Select Party Quotes:

"Sun-deride tomatoes? Noooh. I 'ate sun-deride tomatoes, but those are dee-lish-hos."

- Beautiful, hilarious Ukrainian woman

Between a guest and myself as guest's husband stands near-by:

"What are these red things made of?"

"Oh, well, sun-dried tomatoes, ricotta, feta, goat cheese..."

(husband interjects)

"HA! You say you HATE goat cheese but you ate, like, thirty of those things!"

A man and his little sister approach the food. He asks me to tell the little girl what each thing is.

"Artichoke dip, cheese and tomato cups, crab and leek tartlets," I respond.

"Do you want any of those?" he asks the girl.

"NO!" she declared, backing away from the table like it was going to bite.

pictured with Artichoke Cups

Flaky Sun-Dried Tomato and Three Cheese Bites

makes about 50

Cup Ingredients and Instructions:
1 package phyllo, thawed
1 stick butter, melted

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F. Grease mini-muffin cups.
2. Wet a clean kitchen towel. Ring it out so it is just damp. Fold in half and place near your workspace. Remove phyllo from package. Place sheets between the towel halves.
3. Remove a sheet and place it on a cutting board.
4. With a brush, drip some of the butter across the phyllo sheet. Working gently, spread the butter out until most of the sheet, especially the edges, has been lightly coated.
5. Place a new phyllo sheet on top. Repeat steps until there are 7 sheets stacked. Do not butter the final sheet.
6. Smooth your hand over the sheets, lightly pressing them together.
7. With a pizza roller, cut the phyllo into squares (about four fingers wide).
8. Press the squares into the muffin cups and bake for 8 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool in the tins.

Filling Ingredients and Instructions:

1/2 cup sun-dried tomatoes, cut into strips

3/4 cup ricotta cheese

4 tbs feta cheese

2 tbs goat cheese

2 cloves garlic, roughly chopped

2 green onions, white and light green parts only, minced

1/2 tbs fresh rosemary

1/2 tbs Italian parsley

1/4 tsp salt

1 egg

1. In the bowl of a food processor, combine all ingredients but the egg. Process until smooth.

2. Add the egg. Pulse until Incorporated.

3. Spoon or pipe filling into prepared phyllo cups.

4. Bake in a 350 F oven for 8-10 minutes, or until the filling has set up.

5. Remove and serve.

Curried Cashews

2009-07-02T00:01:00.001-06:00

To me, there is no nut more splendid than the cashew nut. Growing up, I don't recall a single Christmas where my father didn't get a few pounds of roasted, salted cashew nuts. My little hands would grab as many as I could, shove them in my mouth and munch away. Like father, like daughter. As I got older, and my hands got bigger, my father had to fight for his cashews.

I recently joined him on a fishing trip. He came prepared with plenty of cashews and we often munched away in silence, enjoying a simple snack while sharing a fishing bond. Back at work I find myself day dreaming about the river, the woods, watching my fly drift and my father's reminders to "mend". While I may not be able to fish, I can certainly snack.

Curried Cashew Nuts

1 lb raw cashews

3 tbs butter

2 tbs olive oil

3 tbs curry powder

1 tsp salt

1. Heat butter and olive oil over medium-high heat.

2. Cook, stirring frequently, for 10-15 minutes, or until browned.

3. Remove nuts and drain on a paper towel.

4. Put salt and curry powder into a large bowl and mix together.

5. Add cashews. Place plastic wrap or a towel over the top of the bowl and shake well to coat. Enjoy!

There shall be no cooking...

2009-06-25T00:01:00.000-06:00

...only lots of fishing. Hiatus until next week!

Baklava Petals

2009-06-19T11:05:00.003-06:00

This is another treat prepared for my friend's wedding. With Greece being a stop on their Mediterranean honeymoon, baklava was a natural addition. While it looks complicated, it is actually quite easy and can be completed in about 1.5 hours.

I needed a way to deliver single serving pieces that wouldn't require utensils and also wouldn't leave my guests with sticky hands and determined that mini-phyllo cups were the solution.

My father, a lifelong baklava hater, scarfed down 17 of them after being coerced into trying one. He described them as, "light, flaky, and missing the overwhelming sweetness of most baklava". If Mikey liked them, so will you.

Baklava Petals

makes about 120

Cup Ingredients and Instructions:

1 package phyllo, thawed
1 stick butter, melted

Syrup Ingredients and Instructions:

2.5 cups of sugar

1/2 cup warm water

Juice of one lemon

A few strips of zest from the lemon

4 cloves

2 cinnamon sticks

2 tbs rosewater

1. Combine syrup ingredients in a saucepan. Bring to a boil.

2. Stir to dissolve the sugar.

3. Reduce heat and simmer until thick enough to coat the back of a spoon.

4. Remove from heat and strain out solids. Set syrup aside to cool.

Filling Ingredients and Instructions:

1 lb walnuts, finely chopped

6 tbs sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

a pinch of cardamom

1. In a large bowl, stir together filling ingredients.

2. Spoon filling into phyllo cups to their natural fill line.

3. Bake at 350 F for 15 minutes.

4. Remove from oven and pour a bit of the syrup over the tops.

5. Remove finished baklava from mini-muffin tins about 3 minutes after the syrup has been poured on top. Any more than that, the syrup will cool too much and you'll have to break your cups out of the tins.

6. Put into individual muffin cups or just serve as is.

A Sweet Promise

2009-06-17T17:29:00.002-06:00

When I recover from the flu, I have some very tasty baklava for you. Hang in there.

Artichoke Cups

2009-06-10T12:02:00.006-06:00

The CMH has been working hard for the past month on nibblers. Our friends are getting married...After their daytime wedding and reception, they'll be having a nighttime "come one, come all". As such, they asked us to help out with some things for people to munch on.

I've been trying to create hors d'oeuvres that are easy, portable, and incorporate flavors from the couples honeymoon destination (the Med). This idea turns one of the couple's favorite nighttime snacks, artichoke dip, into a party-friendly-no double-dipping-wedding-appropriate eat.

Artichoke Cups

makes about 25

Cup Ingredients and Instructions:

1 package phyllo, thawed

1 stick butter, melted

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F. Grease mini-muffin cups.

2. Wet a clean kitchen towel. Ring it out so it is just damp. Fold in half and place near your workspace. Remove phyllo from package. Place sheets between the towel halves.

3. Remove a sheet and place it on a cutting board.

4. With a brush, drip some of the butter across the phyllo sheet. Working gently, spread the butter out until most of the sheet, especially the edges, has been lightly coated.

5. Place a new phyllo sheet on top. Repeat steps until there are 7 sheets stacked. Do not butter the final sheet.

6. Smooth your hand over the sheets, lightly pressing them together.

7. With a pizza roller, cut the phyllo into squares (about four fingers wide).

8. Press the squares into the muffin cups and bake for 8 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool in the tins.

Filling Ingredients and Instructions:

15 oz can of artichoke hearts

2 cloves garlic

2 tbs Italian parsley

1 tbs fresh oregano

1 tbs chives

6 scallions, tender white and light green parts only

1 cup Parmesan cheese, grated

1. In the bowl of a food processor, combine all ingredients except for the cheese. Blend until smooth.

2. Add cheese. Pulse until just incorporated.

3. Spoon or pipe filling into prepared phyllo cups.

4. Bake in a 350 F oven for 10-15 minutes, allowing the filling to get lightly browned at the edges.

5. Remove and serve.

Warning: These were so good that the two of us (mainly the blonde one) finished all 25 cups in less than 7 minutes.

What Not To Cook - Salty Smoked Ribs

2009-06-05T12:23:00.005-06:00

Not everything we make is delicious. Sometimes we spend hours cooking and photographing a dish only to take two bites and dump it into the garbage.

Let it be known that my father makes the best smoked pork ribs this side of the Mississippi. They are so good he won't even tell me, his beloved and only child, his secret recipe. You know, the child that fly fishes with him, trades jokes with him...the one that everyone who knows us calls "his mini-me". Let's not forget that his genes die with me!

In an attempt to be all "fine, we don't need your stinkin' ribs anyway" we got our own Bradley smoker (thanks, Ny!) so that we could attempt our own rib recipes. No matter how hard we try though, we always fail.

This time, I was certain that we had nailed it. My husband even did a few small jigs over how we were going to be all "in your face!" to my dad's ribs. After driving our stomachs crazy with the smell of hickory all afternoon, we dug in.

All I can say is, thank god I had made cornbread muffins.

What We Did Wrong:

1 rack pork ribs

1/2 cup red peppercorns, cracked

1/2 cup black peppercorns, cracked

1/4 salt

Rub ribs with salt and pepper. Wrap in foil. Smoke with hickory at 225 F for 4.5 hours.

Analysis: 1/4 salt? What were we thinking? We're the people that don't use table salt and regularly come in under the sodium allowance for the day. Salt was the major killer in this dish.

Red peppercorns added a special flavor, but way too much of that somethin' somethin'. The foil, although it kept the ribs moist, prevented the smoke from penetrating the inner layers of the meat.

If We Could Do It Again:

1 rack pork ribs

1/4 cup black peppercorns, cracked

1/8 cup red peppercorns, cracked

1 tbs salt

Rub ribs with salt and pepper. Wrap in foil for first 2 hours and smoke with hickory at 225 F. After two hours, remove foil and continue to smoke for 2.5 hours.

Banana Flower Soup with Fresh Crab

2009-06-01T00:01:00.009-06:00

Dun dun dun dun! "Soup"er Craaab!

My favorite blogger, Loving Rice, offered to dish up a recipe of anything I wanted. Fantasizing about the Andaman sea, I asked her to do something with crab. Her recipe, Banana Flower Soup with Fresh Crab, went above and beyond.

At the Asian store, I'm the foreigner. My cart is always scrutinized and discussed in various languages. The regulars have seemed to notice it isn't filled with the regular rice and soy sauce load of the other "foreigner" carts.

While going through check-out with my weekly supplies (bird's eye, kaffir lime, tamarind, lemongrass and so forth), a giant dungeness crab and a banana flower, the usual discussion began. The woman behind me started pointing to things and talking to the man behind her. She then started speaking to the cashier who turned to me and said, "She wants to know if you cook Thai food".

My husband and I smiled. "Yes! Almost every night!". The little old woman started chatting up a storm..."Banana flower! Only Thai use banana flower. So much lemongrass, lime, and chili. I'm Thai. You like Thai?" We said yes, we love Thailand and professed our excitement to explore more of Southeast Asia this year.

Soon, everyone was telling us where they were from: Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, China. They asked what we liked to cook, what we were going to do with the banana flower. I showed the big crab to them and received "oohs" and "ahhs" in return. No longer am I the market foreigner.

When I told my mother about the crab, she asked how I could kill such a thing. I responded, "Easy. I'm going to turn it on its back, lift up it's flap, and drive a knife through it."

"You're so not my daughter!" she exclaimed before walking away.

Loving Rice couldn't have answered my request any better. I loved her idea of caramelizing the onion in the coconut milk. Oh, and how cool is the inside of a banana flower?

The recipe made enough for the two of us to eat it for both lunch and dinner. It's very much like a Thai version of chowder with the banana flower taking on a potato-like texture. I understand why it's considered by some to be a Thai comfort food.

If you have success at finding a banana flower, be sure to make this delicious recipe.

Paradise Caesar Salad

2009-05-25T00:01:00.004-06:00

While by no means a traditional Caesar, this is a salad worthy of sonnets. The name is in honor of it's birthing place, a place so beautiful we simply call it Paradise.

When visiting in 2004, I ate this salad so much that the chef handed me a present before leaving...a list of ingredients for the dressing. At the time, I was more of an "eater" instead of a "preparer" and was terribly intimidated by the list of ingredients in formats like "0.009 quantity of anchovis" (purposeful misspelling to accurately reflect the Sweenglish that it was in). I never dared to try to make the dressing on my own.

So I dreamed. Fantasized. Imagined shrimp with a hint of lemongrass playfully bounding across leaves sunning themselves in Caesar dressing. For three whole years.

The second I arrived back at the island last year, I immediately ordered up two salads. Upon delivery, I undressed the prawns with my eyes. When I took my first bite, a tear actually escaped. Unfortunately, these were not tears of happiness. This was in no way the salad that either of us had remembered, that we had dreamed about so often.

The original chef was long gone, taking the recipe with him. The salad placed before me reminded me of the fourth Michael Keaton in Duplicity ...a sad copy of a copy of a copy of the original.

Last weekend, using the Sweenglish dressing ingredient list as a guide, I went for it. The end result? Original Paradise. I can actually feel my toes curling around the sand with every bite I take.

Dressing Ingredients and Directions:

2 tsp anchovy paste

1.5 tbs capers

1.5 tbs garlic

1 tbs dijon mustard with grains

1/2 tsp pepper, ground

1/2 cup white wine vinegar

7 ounces olive oil

2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp worchester

1 tsp red chilies

2 tbs grated parmesan

3.5 tbs water

4 tbs mayonnaise

In the bowl of a food processor, blend everything until well combined. Taste improves overnight.

Salad Ingredients and Assembly:

1 or 2 sliced of applewood bacon, cooked to your liking

Parmesan cheese, shaved

Cherry tomatoes, halved

1 head of romaine or green leaf lettuce (serves two), chopped

Black or Kalamata olives, halved

4 16/20 prawns per person, peeled and deveined

1 tbs butter, melted

1. Cook bacon. Drain.

2. Toss lettuce with 1/3 cup of dressing. Divide lettuce among plates.

3. Assemble tomatoes, olives, bacon and cheese on top of the lettuce.

4. Skewer prawns. Brush with butter and grill for 2 minutes each side. Brush with butter before flipping and again at the end.

5. Assemble prawns on top of salad. Serve.

Extra Credit: To get the mild lemongrass flavor, use a lemongrass brush to butter the prawns. To make the brush, remove the bottom from one pieces of lemongrass. Pound out the tender part until it fans out like a brush. Use accordingly.

A Lesson in Kitchen Safety

2009-05-19T10:46:00.002-06:00

Do not open goat cheese with a 8-inch Henckel's chef knife. Four stitches and one tetanus shot later, I've learned my lesson.

What kitchen safety lessons have you learned?

Shameless Foodie Fights! Promotion

2009-05-19T09:37:00.003-06:00

Battle Raspberry/Cauliflower is open to voting. Please check out all entries and vote for your favorite dish. My favorite blogger ever, Loving Rice, is one of the participants!

[start Jedi Mind Trick]

You will vote for Dok Kha Lam with raspberry/ginger dipping sauce.

[end Jedi Mind Trick]

Tom Yum Pla - Hot and Sour Fish Soup

2009-05-18T00:01:00.000-06:00

Recently, my husband came home from work looking like death warmed over. He collapsed onto the chaise, cough drops and box of tissues in hand.

"What would you like for dinner?" I asked. "Nothing", he responded between coughing fits. After thinking a moment he added, "Unless you're making something tasty."

Tom yum pla fit the bill (more like tom yum yum!)...with good protein, leafy greens, and a nice spice, I hoped to feed his cold and kick the nasty virus out of his body.

This recipe is fast and easy. You can even shorten the broth simmering time to 10 minutes if you need to.

Broth Ingredients and Directions:

2 cups fish stock
2 cups water
4 kaffir lime leaves, torn (use zest of one lime if no lime leaves are available)
4 bird's eye chilies, stem removed and cut in half lengthwise
3 pieces of dried galangal
3 stalks of lemongrass, halved lengthwise
2 shallots, chopped

1. Put all ingredients into a pot. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes.
2. Strain the broth through a sieve into a saucepan.

Soup Ingredients and Directions:
12 ounces of fish (white fish like halibut, sole, etc), skinned and filleted
1 lb green leafy vegetable, chopped (ex. water spinach, baby spinach, baby bok choy)
1 package beech mushrooms
1 package straw mushrooms
2 tbs fish sauce
1 tbs lime juice
Cilantro, a handful, chopped

1. Bring the broth to a boil.
2. Add the fish and the mushrooms to a pot. Return to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 4 minutes.
3. Add remaining ingredients. Simmer for one or two minutes, just long enough for the greens to wilt or soften.
4. Divide into bowls and serve.

Chicken Sushi

2009-05-14T09:45:00.005-06:00

Flashback, 2003: I'm sitting on a bench in Queenstown, New Zealand. It's a beautiful day and I have a lunch from the nearby sushi hut. There was no menu...whatever they had available was rolled tightly and packaged up to go. I'm 1/2 of my way through my raw lunch when the coloring of one fish has me questioning what it is. Flipping over the box to inspect the handwritten label, I suppress a gag. That light pink fish? More like raw chicken. After a few moments of shock, horror and questioning if every tummy gurgle was the beginning of salmonella poisoning, I realized that it didn't taste bad and finished lunch.

Everyone avoids food of some sort or another. I've spent the majority of my life avoiding eggs. I've managed to work scrambled eggs into my diet, although they end up being more of a "Tabasco delivery device" than anything. While I work hard to avoid ova, I will willingly eat escargot, abalone that goes straight from sea to mouth, and quite enjoy both jellyfish and sea cucumber.

Chicken sushi was something that I had heard of years earlier. I had decided that Japan had gone mad. Chicken sushi?! "Only a country that eats live octopus could think of something so insane," I thought. I wouldn't have willingly tried it, but I would willingly eat it again.

Would you willingly eat chicken sushi? How about deep fried moose balls, stir-fried scorpions or an ant burrito?

Some people will eat just about anything. Then there is the guy I had once read about who didn't dare to try an apple or any other fruit, for that matter. What are your limits, or lack thereof?

Dinner Snapshot - Quacky Red Curry

2009-05-11T10:58:00.005-06:00

Having planned to fail miserably at my first coriander duck attempt, I had bought two extra duck breasts. We love cooking with duck. People who haven't had it before usually say it tastes like lamb or very tender beef. It was easy to figure out what to do with the leftovers...duck curry!

Note: This recipe requires marinating time.

Ingredients:

2 duck breasts, skinned and sliced thinly on a diagonal

6 tablespoons/cubes of red curry paste (or store-bought but watch the sodium!)

1 cup coconut milk

2 cups hot water

2 cups pineapple slices (fresh or canned), cut into smaller pieces

1 cup Thai basil leaves

Jasmine rice, cooked according to instructions

Directions:

1. In a medium bowl, coat the duck slices with 2 tablespoons/cubes of red curry paste. Marinate for three hours (or up to 24).

2. When duck is done marinating, cook the remaining four cubes of curry paste over medium-high heat until fragrant (about 2 minutes).

3. Add the duck and cook, stirring constantly, for two or three minutes.

4. Add the coconut milk and two cups of water.

5. Bring mixture to a gentle boil and cook for three minutes.

6. Reduce heat to low. Cover pan. Simmer duck for an additional 10 minutes.

7. Stir in the pineapple and basil leaves and cook for an additional two minutes.

8. Serve over rice.

Breakfast Around the World

2009-05-06T09:13:00.004-06:00

We here at the Crazy Monkey House are passionate about food, travel, and photography. When we're not cooking at home, we are stuffing our faces in foreign countries. The National Geographic Society's Intelligent Traveller blog has a new entry about breakfast around the world. Why is this news worthy, other than it combines food and travel? They used one of our photos! That's right, the NGS approached us about using one of our photos of a street vendor breakfast in Bangkok. Check it out!

Vote for Foodie Fights!

2009-05-05T10:36:00.004-06:00

Remember to check out the Foodie Fights! competition and vote for the dish you'd most like to eat. My smoked coriander duck breasts with a rhubarb port wine reduction can be viewed here.
The other entries can be viewed from the Foodie Fights! main page. There's stiff competition...all dishes were unique and creative!

Foodie Fights! Entry - Smoked Coriander Duck Breast with a Rhubarb Port Wine Reduction

2009-05-04T19:46:00.016-06:00

Rhubarb? What? After spending my entire life avoiding it, my desire to be a Foodie Fights! competitor led to a requirement to cook with it. I had no idea what it looked like, what it smelled like, what it tasted like. I spent the first 24 hours in paralyzed fear, the second accepting it for what it was and starting my mental ingredient merry-go-round, and spent the final 24 hours asking my mom, husband, and a friend a series of "would you rather eat..." questions.

For a good portion of Saturday, it seemed like I was meant for failure. You see, spring's coming late to these parts and rhubarb isn't exactly easy to come by. After searching three stores together, I went home to start preparing the duck leaving my husband to embark on The Great Rhubarb Hunt '09. Thirteen stores later, husband returned victorious. He also proved himself a thinker, buying red chard to "substitute" for rhubarb if push came to shove.

I'm not afraid of many foods, but as I stood there in the kitchen, trying my third knife to get through the rough stalk, I actually found myself sneering at it. By the time it was whirling around the food processor, my nose was scruntched up between my eyebrows. The fibers, the smell. I knew I had avoided it for a reason. In the end, I overcame my fear of rhubarb, using the duck to sop up every last bit of the reduction.

Foodie Fights! was exactly what it was meant to be, a challenge. It challenged my recipe creation skills by throwing in an unfamiliar ingredient as well as my personal preferences.

Please swing by Foodie Fights on Tuesday, May 5th to check out the competition and place your vote for your favorite recipe.

Alder Wood Smoked Coriander Duck Breasts with a Rhubarb Port Wine Reduction

Note: This recipe can be recreated on the BBQ using wooden grilling planks. If you use this method, be sure to submerge the planks in water for 3 hours prior to cooking.

Duck Preparation - Four Easy Steps

Step One - Marinate Breasts:

2 duck breast halves
1 cup orange juice
1/2 cup soy sauce
2 tbs peanut oil
2 tbs honey
1 tbs ginger, peeled and grated
2 cloves garlic, minced

1. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients. Stir well.
2. Add the duck breasts, coating both sides. Refrigerate for two hours.

Step Two - Seal In Moisture:

Apple wood smoked bacon, one slice per breast half

1. In a large pan over high heat, cook the bacon to your preference.
2. Eat bacon, reserve bacon fat.
3. When breasts are done marinating, remove from marinade and coat each breast with bacon grease.

Step Three - Prepare Coriander Rub:

2 tbs coriander seeds
1 tsp black peppercorns

1. In a food processor or mortor, grind coriander and peppercorns until they have broken into a fine grit.
2. Rub coriander mixture into the greased duck breasts, coating each side.

Step Four - Smoke/BBQ Duck Breasts:

Duck cooked to medium rare (140 F) will result in meat that seemingly melts in your mouth but you can prepare it just like chicken to 170 F if you'd prefer well done.

If you are using a smoker, prep with alder wood. Heat to 225 F. Place breasts on an ungreased rack in the middle of the smoker. Smoke for 60 to 90 minutes or until the breasts reach your desired doneness. View video of the duck being removed from the smoker.

If you are using a barbecue, submerge a wood plank in water for three hours (alder and fruit woods work the best, but any flavor will do). Using indirect heat, preheat grill to 300 F. Place plank in center of grill and place duck breasts skin side down on the planks. Cook for 40 to 50 minutes or until duck has reached desired doneness.

Reduction and Sides Preparation - 3 Easy Steps

Step One - Make the Reduction:

1 lb rhubarb stalks, roughly chopped
3 bird's eye chilies, stems removed
6 tbs honey
1 stalk lemongrass, light purple and pale while parts chopped
1 inch ginger, peeled and roughly chopped
1/2 c chicken stock
3 tbs port wine
1 1/2 tsp arrowroot (or cornstarch)
1 tbs butter

1. In the bowl of a food processor or blender, combine the rhubarb, chilies, ginger, lemongrass, and honey. Puree until smooth.
2. Pour the mixture into a medium saucepan. Add chicken stock. Cook over medium low heat (a slow simmer) for 20 minutes.
3. Mash the puree through a sieve. Reserve the liquid that comes out. Discard the remainder.
4. In a small saucepan over medium low heat, add the port wine to the rhubarb liquid.
5. Whisk in the arrowroot until dissolved and reduce mixture by half.
6. Just before serving, whisk in the butter.

Step Two - Heat the Marinade:

While the rhubarb is cooking down, bring the reserved marinade to a boil and cook for three minutes, stirring frequently. Turn heat down to low and let cook until duck is ready.

Step Three - Cook the Carrots and Spinach:

1 large bunch of spinach, washed
2 carrots, cut into sticks
1 tbs olive oil
Juice from 1/2 lemon

1. In a large saute pan over high, heat the olive oil and lemon juice.
2. Add the carrots and saute for four minutes. Remove carrots.
3. Add the spinach. Saute until spinach just starts to wilt.
4. Arrange carrots and spinach on individual plates.

Bringing It All Together:

1. Remove duck breasts and slice width-wise at an angle into thin strips.
2. Arrange duck slices over spinach.
3. Spoon or pipe rhubarb port reduction over duck breast and plate.
4. Spoon marinade into small serving bowls and serve duck.

Foodie Fights! - Sneak Peek

2009-05-03T06:58:00.000-06:00

Emerging from the smoker:

Foodie Fights! Update

2009-05-01T12:13:00.004-06:00

Ouch, my brain hurts. I'm pretty sure it's from running endless rhubarb coriander combinations through my head only to keep mentally scratching them out. I was feeling pretty good about my final choice until I checked out the other contestants . My competition is serious (and have given me serious hankerings for Afghan dumplings, among other things).

You should go check them out because they are going to kick my novice rump all over the kitchen.

Aga Kitchen - you've gotta love any food blogger that cooks with quinoa.
The Arugula Files - must...make...dumplings.
Brake for Bread - has left my husband desperately wanting to improve his food photography skills.
Downsized! - eating to live, not living to eat...and encouraging others to do the same!
Elaine, the Gourmet Girl - two words, tequila caviar.

Dinner Snapshot - Banana Curry

2009-04-30T08:58:00.006-06:00

Last night, I found myself staring at the available food in the house. After a brief realization that we rely so much on fresh food we'd starve if oh, say, a pandemic shut down commerce, I focused on the more immediate threat of starving that night if I didn't figure out something for dinner, pronto. I hadn't been to the store in a few days, so pickings were slim. Remembering that David had tried a banana curry and wanted me to make one, I pulled eight baby bananas out of the microwave. The microwave? Yes! If you aren't storing your fruits in the microwave, you should be!

David didn't exactly give me any good details to go on, just "it was curry made with bananas". Fantastic. So I set off, hoping for some sort of Caribbean-inspired dish that wouldn't be a gooey mess. The final product was delicious once we got past the initial shock that we were eating a curry that was both sweet and spicy at the same time. While we consider this more of a sweet curry, it might blow some socks off. Exercise caution with any of our recipes that call for chili peppers...Some like it hot, some sweat when the heat is on. We're the former.

Aunt G. - Does this even come close to a Caribbean-style dish or am I smoking banana peels?

Banana Curry

8 baby bananas, cut into four pieces (or two grown up bananas)

2 tbs curry powder

2 tsp coriander seed

1 tsp brown mustard seed

1.5 tsp turmeric

4 shallots, roughly chopped

3 green bird's eye chilies, roughly chopped (use scotch bonnet if they are available)

2 tbs coconut oil (I'm sure that peanut would also be delicious and veggie would work just fine)

3 tbs coconut water (or regular water)

1 cup coconut milk

1 cup water

40 medium, shelled shrimp

Jasmine rice, made per instructions

1. In a small, dry skillet over medium heat, toast the coriander and mustard seeds. Shake the pan constantly until the seeds turn brown and begin to pop. Do not let the seeds burn. Put toasted seeds into mortar and grind into a fine powder.

2. In the bowl of a food processor, combine the spice powders, shallots, chilies, coconut oil, and bananas. Process until smooth.

3. Heat a dry wok over medium. Add the curry paste and the coconut water. Cook for ten minutes stirring constantly.

4. Reduce heat to low and add the coconut milk and cup of water.

5. Fast Method: bring the heat up to high until the curry starts to boil. Reduce heat to medium high and stir constantly for five minutes until the curry has thickened back up.

Slow Method: keep the curry on low and cook, uncovered, for 30-45 minutes stirring occasionally. Add small amounts of water as needed. This method melds the flavors together better than the fast method.

6. Add shrimp. Cook until pink and curled.

7. Serve over rice.

Foodie Fights!

2009-04-29T17:44:00.001-06:00

I recently learned about Foodie Fights! via an excellent cooking blog, The Food In My Beard. The husband and wife team reminds me of myself and David, chopping away while listening to the Arctic Monkeys. I've poured through TFIMB's recipes so much that I've begun to feel like a cyber-stalker.

Co-founded by TFIMB, Foodie Fights! (hello readers!) is a blog forum for all those crazy food bloggers out there to battle it out. Think Iron Chef. People submit their interest in participating, along with one ingredient (no proteins). Six bloggers (and two of their six submitted ingredients) are named to battle it out, each creating a single dish that incorporates both of the chosen ingredients.

When I found out that they were hosting their second fight, I signed up. Six bloggers were chosen, two ingredients were named. My ingredient (coriander) got picked. The other chosen ingredient is rhubarb, something that I have never eaten let alone cooked.

Rhubarb and coriander, you say? Mother smurfer, I'm in trouble.

Dinner Snapshot - Ticked Off Crabs in Chili Coriander Sauce

2009-04-19T11:09:00.007-06:00

The old adage, don't play with your food, went out the window yesterday when we brought home six very angry blue crabs. After putting them in some fresh water in the kitchen sink, we delighted in swinging our hands just out of reach of their mighty claws.

By cooking time, they were docile and went willingly, resigned to their important role as our tasty dinner. The chili coriander sauce brings David back to eating crab cooked by our friend Man's mother-in-law on the island of Koh Yao Noi, quite possibly the best compliment he has ever given my cooking.

Blue Crabs in Chili Coriander Sauce

Sauce Ingredients and Instructions:

3 tbs nam pla (fish sauce)

juice of 1 lime

1 tsp white sugar

2 tbs cilantro, chopped

2 Thai red chilies, diced
3 spring onions, white and light green parts only, thinly sliced on a diagonal

2 stalks lemongrass, rough outer layers removed, white and pale yellow soft parts finely chopped

1. Mix all ingredients in a small bowl.

2. Refrigerate until serving time.

Crab Ingredients and Instructions:

3 blue crabs per person, alive and kicking

4 stalks of lemongrass, sliced in half

4 cloves garlic, diced

Jasmine rice, cooked according to instructions

1. In a large stockpot filled with water, bring the garlic and lemongrass to a boil.

2. When roaring, add the crabs. Cook for 6 to 7 minutes.

3. Remove crabs and place in a large bowl covered with a lid.

4. Serve crabs.

5. After cracking the crabs, place the meat on top of the cooked rice, dishing the chili coriander sauce over the top.

Dinner Snapshot - Curried Potato Dumplings

2009-04-13T07:15:00.006-06:00

These green curry potato dumplings sustained us for at least five straight days. I had made a bit more than the recipe called for so we spent the days after wrapping, cooking, dunking, and eating dumpling after dumpling. They were so good, we'd happily do it all over again.

The main recipe is courtesy of Loving Rice and can be found halfway down the page here. The dumplings require green curry paste, recipe here.

Green Curry Paste Instructions:

Ingredients:

3 tbs coriander seeds
2 tsp cumin seeds
2-4 Thai unripened red peppers (cut down on the amount of peppers depending on how spicy you like your curry)
6 large shallots, chopped
4 garlic cloves, chopped

1 green bell peppers, de-stemmed, de-seeded and chopped.

1 tsp shrimp paste
1/2 stalk lemongrass, cut in half then roughly chopped (remove the rough outer leaves, chop the small root bottom off, and discard the upper green portions)

5 tbs chopped cilantro leaves

2 tsp chopped coriander stems 1/2 inch piece of galangal, finely chopped (if using dry galangal, be sure to soak in hot water for several hours prior to chopping)
4 tbs tamarind water (either dilute tamarind paste in water or prepare the water yourself by soaking the fruit in water and then squeezing the pulp about)

2 tbs peanut oil

1 tsp kosher salt

Directions:
1. In a small skillet over medium heat, toast the cumin and coriander seeds until fragrant and light brown. Do not let them burn. Remove from heat and cool.
2. In the bowl of a food processor, grind the seeds until broken up. Add the rest of the ingredients, along with 5 tbs water, and process until smooth. If you can see the seeds, you need to process longer!
3. Heat a saucepan over a medium flame. When warmed, add the paste. Cook for five minutes, stirring frequently.
4. Add 1 cup water, reduce heat, cover the pan and simmer for 45-50 minutes. Stir occasionally, scraping the paste off of the bottom as you stir.
5. The paste is complete. Freeze any that you are not using immediately in ice cube trays.

Dinner Snapshot - Thai-Style Whole Fish

2009-04-10T07:16:00.001-06:00

The Crazy Monkey House motto is: If it has gills, eat it. Our favorite method for eating fish is to cook one whole. If you've never ate the "cheek meat" of a fish, boy are you in for a treat! Cooking a fish this way inevitably leads to chopstick wars as we fight for every last remaining flake. The fish pictured in this picture is a Mandarin fish but any meaty fish will work well. This method involves cooking it in banana leaves, an inexpensive ingredient found at almost any Asian grocer.

Thai-Style Whole Fish

Ingredients:

1 large, meaty whole fish (have the fish monger clean and descale the fish)

1 lime, sliced

8 kaffir lime leaves, torn in half

10 Thai basil leaves

5 Thai peppers, whole

banana leaves

Directions:

1. Line the bottom of a fish pan (or any deep baking dish) with banana leaves.

2. Place fish on leaves.

3. Spread the lime slices, lime leaves, basil leaves, and Thai peppers out inside the fish cavity.

4. Cover with banana leaves, tucking the top ones under the bottom ones.

5. Bake in a 350(f) oven for 30 minutes or until fish is cooked through and flaky.

6. Serve with rice, using optional garnishes like nam prik, sriracha, or a bit of soy sauce.

Dinner Snapshot - Prawns in Red Curry

2009-04-09T07:20:00.002-06:00

This is a very quick, simple meal if you have frozen curry paste on hand. Cooking a batch of curry paste takes time but is very rewarding. Just freeze the leftovers in ice cube trays...One cube of curry is equal to two tablespoons. Be sure to wear gloves when working with the chilis. Failure to do so can lead to skin burns. You can either shell and devein the prawns yourself (as we did) or you can buy a bag of prepped or fully cooked prawns at the grocer. If you prep the prawns yourself, be sure to save the shells and heads to make a stock for tom yum kung!

Red Curry Paste Ingredients and Directions:

3 tbs coriander seeds

2 tsp cumin seeds

12 Thai red peppers (cut down on the amount of peppers depending on how spicy you like your curry)

5 large shallots, chopped

5 garlic cloves, chopped

2 stalks lemongrass, cut in half then roughly chopped (remove the rough outer leaves, chop the small root bottom off, and discard the upper green portions)

1/2 inch piece of galangal, finely chopped (if using dry galangal, be sure to soak in hot water for several hours prior to chopping)

6 kaffir lime leaves, torn

2 tsp paprika

2 tbs tamarind water (either dilute tamarind paste in water or prepare the water yourself by soaking the fruit in water and then squeezing the pulp about)

3 tbs canola oil

1 tsp kosher salt

1. In a small skillet over medium heat, toast the cumin and coriander seeds until fragrant and light brown. Do not let them burn. Remove from heat and cool.

2. In the bowl of a food processor, grind the seeds until broken up. Add the rest of the ingredients, along with 5 tbs water, and process until smooth. If you can see the seeds, you need to process longer!

3. Heat a saucepan over a medium flame. When warmed, add the paste. Cook for five minutes, stirring frequently.

4. Add 1 cup water, reduce heat, cover the pan and simmer for 45-50 minutes. Stir occasionally, scraping the paste off of the bottom as you stir.

5. The paste is complete. Freeze any that you are not using immediately in ice cube trays.

Prawn Curry Ingredients and Directions:

1 lb prawns, shelled and deveined

3 cubes red curry

1 cup coconut milk

Jasmine rice, prepared according to rice cooker instructions

1. Heat a wok or large skillet over a medium high flame. Add the cubes of curry paste. Stir until the paste is melted.

2. Reduce heat to medium-low. Add the coconut milk and simmer for five minutes, stirring frequently. More coconut milk can be added if you find the curry too spicy.

3. Add the prawns and cook until pink and curled.

4. Serve over a bed of rice.

Dessert Snapshot - Lime Coconut Cake

2009-04-08T20:03:00.001-06:00

With loads of leftover fresh coconut leftover from making coconut milk, I set out for something to do with all that coconut meat. Fortunately, my favorite blogger had recently posted an excellent option, lime coconut cake. As it is a very dense, rich cake, I suggest serving small slices much unlike the one pictured here.

The recipe can be found halfway down this page on Loving Rice.

Dinner Snapshot - Tofu and Bok Choy

2009-01-27T06:13:00.000-07:00

This is one of our absolute favorite vegetarian meals. The main stir-fry only takes about 10 minutes. It's pictured below with my favorite kitchen accessory ever...Lily Bird.

Ingredients:

1/2 pound firm tofu, drained
2 tablespoons sesame seeds
2 tablespoons sesame oil
1 head of bok choy (about 3/4 pound), leaves and stalks sliced crosswise 1 inch thick
9 ounces bean sprouts

1 teaspoon crushed or grated vegetable bouillon cube
Salt and freshly ground pepper

Directions:

1. Wrap the tofu in paper towels and drain in a strainer set over a bowl for 30 minutes. Slice.

2. In a skillet, toast the sesame seeds over moderate heat until fragrant, 1 minute. Let cool, then grind to a coarse powder.
3. In a large skillet, heat the sesame oil. Add the tofu and stir-fry over moderately high heat until lightly browned, about 3 minutes. Transfer the tofu to a plate.
4. In the same skillet, heat the vegetable oil. Add the bok choy and stir-fry over moderately high heat until tender, 5 minutes.

5. Add the bean sprouts and stir-fry until heated through.

6. Stir in the tofu and season with the bouillon cube, salt and pepper.

7. Transfer to a serving bowl and garnish with the sesame seeds.

Dessert Snapshot - Flip-Over Apple Cake

2009-01-20T18:04:00.004-07:00

This is another wonderful recipe from Dishing Up Vermont. Recently, I have been reading a lot about the history of the apple. With apples on my mind, and a desire to make something warm, I embarked on an apple cake. I modified the recipe by using some brown sugar in place of white sugar. I wish that I would have substituted more but am recording the recipe as I made it. This cake is so terribly simple that, while it baked, I whipped up some ginger spiced pecans and molasses whipped cream to finish the cake with. David thought it was so good, he was unapologetic about seconds.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup unsalted butter, plus more for greasing the baking pan

4 medium apples, peeled, cored and sliced 1/4 inch thick

1 tbs ground cinnamon

1 cup white sugar

1 tbs brown sugar

1 cup flour

1 egg, lightly beaten

1 1/2 cups coarsely chopped walnuts

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350. Generously grease the bottom and sides of a cake pan.

2. Melt the butter over a medium flame. Set aside to cool to room temperature.

3. Toss the apples with the cinnamon and brown sugar.

4. Place the apples in overlapping, concentric circles on the bottom of the cake pan. Make a second layer as necessary.

4. Sift the white sugar and the flour into a large mixing bowl. Whisk in the egg and melted butter just until combined. Fold in the walnuts and continue to mix until smooth.

5. Pour batter evenly over apples.

6. Place on the center rack of the oven and bake for 45 minutes or until the cake is golden brown and a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean.

7. Let cool in the pan, on a wire rack, for 15 minutes.

8. Run a knife around the edge of the pan and invert the cake onto a serving plate.

7. Serve with whipped cream, ice cream, or other toppings as you desire.

Dinner Snapshot - Lasagna

2009-01-07T07:37:00.002-07:00

We’ve spent the past year or so watching the Sopranos from beginning to end. We’ve made it all the way to season six without succumbing to our Italian food fantasies. Come Sunday, all I was able to think about was an episode from an earlier season in which Tony is looking around for lasagna with that “sweet sausage I love so much”. With that, I searched for a lasagna recipe and then headed out to buy all the ingredients.

This was no ordinary lasagna, made apparent by the constant trail of drool Monkey left on my foot. He watched every move I made, had interest in everything being chopped and layered, sautéed and spread. Mind you, Monkey is not an ordinary dog interested in ordinary things like Human Food. He once spent 13 hours sucking on a single French fry during a car trip. At the end of the trip, we found that he eventually discarded the fry and never even touched the slices of salami and the pecan sandie that my father had tried to tempt Monkey with unbeknownst to us. My dad thinks that Monkey doesn’t show interest in Human Food because of how we raised him. That has something to do with it, but what kind of dog won’t even eat a slice of salami?

So, anyway, here was my dog that has Human Food anorexia leaving a long, pleading trail of drool in hopes that I would give in and just feed the entire pan to him. I should have known from his reaction that we were in for a good meal. Just how good? Do you remember Garfield’s obsession with lasagna and how he would hoover the entire plate? Yeah, that was me.

Ingredients:

1 lb. sweet Italian sausage, casings removed
¾ lb extra lean ground beef
1 medium onion, diced
5 cloves of garlic, pressed
28 ounce can crushed tomatoes
12 ounces tomato paste
16 ounces tomato sauce
½ cup water
2 tbs sugar
¼ cup dried basil leaves
1 tsp fennel seeds
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1 tbs kosher salt
Fresh ground pepper to taste
4 tbs Italian (flat-leaf) pasley, chopped
1 box lasagna noodles
16 ounces ricotta cheese
1 egg
¾ lb mozzarella cheese, sliced
1 cup grated parmesan cheese

Directions:

1. In a 5 quart pot, cook sausage, beef, onion, and garlic over a medium flame until browned.
2. Stir in crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, and water.
3. Add sugar, basil, fennel seeds, Italian seasoning, 1 tablespoon salt, pepper, and ½ of the parsley. Simmer, covered, for 1.5 hours stirring occasionally.
4. Cook lasagna noodles according to directions. Drain and cool with a cold water rinse.
5. Combine ricotta cheese, egg, remaining parsley, and ½ teaspoon salt in a bowl. Set aside.
6. Preheat oven to 375 F.
7. Spread 2 cups sauce in the bottom of a 9x13 casserole dish. Place a layer of noodles over the top. Spread with one half of the ricotta mixture. Top with 1/3 of the mozzarella slices. Spread 1 ½ cups of sauce over the mozzarella and sprinkle with ¼ of the parmesan cheese. Repeat until you are out of noodles, ending with a topping of meat sauce and parmesan.

8. Cover with greased aluminum foil and cook for 25 minutes. Remove foil and cook for an additional 25 minutes. Let stand 15 minutes before serving.

Dinner Snapshot - Root Vegetable Chowder with Smoked Cheddar

2009-01-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

Mike and Kristin sent us a new cookbook book filled with recipes from their home state of Vermont. It’s filled with tasty items but as soon as I saw this recipe, I knew that it would be the first one made. I reserved it for a very cold day and was presented with the opportunity to make it yesterday. While the wind howled, the temperatures hovered around 10, and snow piled up, we filled our bellies with a hearty, in-season soup to get us through the cold winter night.

Ingredients:

½ lb bacon strips
12 thyme stems
6 rosemary stems
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 medium onion, diced
3 parsnips, peeled and diced
2 small turnips, peeled and diced
3 carrots, peeled and diced
½ lb fingerling potatoes, sliced
1 ¼ cup flour
3 quarts vegetable stock, heated
8 ounces smoked cheddar, shredded
1 cup cream
Salt and fresh ground pepper, to taste

Directions:

1. In a large pot over a medium-high flame, cook the bacon until crisp.
2. Tie fresh herbs together with kitchen twine (or placed dried ones in a piece of cheesecloth, wrapped up and tied with twine).
3. Reduce the flame under the bacon to medium and add the butter, onions, parsnips, turnips, carrots, potatoes, and herbs. Cook for 10 minutes, stirring frequently.
4. Add the flour and cook for another 5 minutes over a medium-low flame.
5. Slowly stir in the vegetable stock and bring the chowder to a simmer over a medium flame. Whisk frequently. Cook until vegetables are tender, about 15 minutes.
6. Remove herbs and discard.
7. Slowly stir in the cheese and whisk in the cream. Season with salt and pepper and serve.

Dinner Snapshot - New Year's Day Black-Eyed Pea Soup

2009-01-02T11:30:00.005-07:00

New Year's Day always calls for black-eyed peas. It's our way to wish for good luck throughout the upcoming year and also happens to be a good excuse to use vegetables that are looking a bit sad. This time, however, all the vegetables in our refrigerator looked like they had gone through a terrible vegetable massacre. This is, no doubt, due to us succumbing to a week and a half of eating pretty much nothing but junk food. Anyway, onto the recipe.

Ingredients:

Black Eyed Peas -roughly a 1/2 lb

3 carrots, thinly sliced into rounds

3 red potatoes, cut into small cubes

1 leek, white and light green parts, thinly sliced into rounds

1 large onion, medium chop

2 quarts chicken or vegetable stock

6 bay leaves

2 teaspoons dried thyme

2 teaspoons sea salt

2 teaspoons freshly ground pepper

Instructions:

1. Throw everything into a crock pot and stir. Make sure that the peas are covered with stock.

2. Cook on high for 6 hours or until peas are soft but mixture isn't mushy.

3. Serve. It's that easy.

David says that the ingredients for this recipe should say nothing more than "pure yumminess". I thought that was a bit hard to interpret.

Dinner Snapshot - Mushroom and Potato Gratin

2008-12-30T06:30:00.003-07:00

This is a killer Williams-Sonoma recipe that I altered for Christmas dinner. The flavors meld as it sits in the refrigerator, making for wonderful leftovers. We fought over every last bite. Please excuse the green dish...It was holiday ware!

Ingredients
1 Tbs. unsalted butter, plus more for greasing
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
3 fresh thyme sprigs, plus 1 1/2 tsp. minced
Sea salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
2 lb. Gold potatoes
1 Tbs. extra-virgin olive oil
1 lb. mixed wild and cultivated mushrooms, woody stems removed, caps thinly sliced
12 Tbs. grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese

Directions
1. Preheat an oven to 375°F. Butter an 8-inch square baking dish.
2. In a saucepan, combine the cream, garlic, thyme sprigs, and a pinch each of salt and pepper. 3. Bring to a low boil over medium heat, then remove from the heat and set aside.
4. Peel the potatoes and, using the slicer attachment of a Kitchen Aid (or a very sharp knife), cut them into slices about 1/8 inch thick.
5. In a fry pan over medium heat, warm the olive oil and melt the 1 Tbs. butter.
6. Add the mushrooms and a pinch of salt, and sauté until all of the liquid released by the mushrooms has evaporated, 7 to 9 minutes.
7. Add the minced thyme with a pinch of pepper and cook for 1 minute.
8. Arrange one-third of the potato slices, slightly overlapping, on the bottom of the prepared dish. Sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper and 1 Tbs. of the cheese. Spread half of the mushrooms over the potatoes and sprinkle with 1 Tbs. of the cheese.
9. Repeat these layers, using half of the remaining potatoes and all of the remaining mushrooms, and sprinkling with salt, pepper and 1 Tbs. cheese between the layers of vegetables.
10. Top with the remaining potatoes and sprinkle with salt and pepper.
11. Using a large, flat spatula, gently press on the vegetables to compact them.
12. Pour the cream mixture through a strainer into the dish and sprinkle with the remaining cheese.
13. Cover the dish with aluminum foil and bake until the potatoes are tender when pierced with a sharp knife, about 45 minutes.
14. Remove the foil and bake until the mixture is golden brown and bubbly, about 20 minutes more. Let the gratin rest for about 10 minutes and serve immediately.

Dinner Snapshot - Jambalaya

2008-12-29T07:10:00.003-07:00

We made jambalaya last Sunday and ended up eating it three nights in a row. The flavors just got better and better as the days went by. The first night, this dish was good. The second night, this dish was incredible. By the third night, the flavor was mind-blowing and it made us want to cry into our bowls when we ate the last bite.

Ingredients:
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
12 ounces andouille sausage or kielbasa, quartered lengthwise and cut into 3/4-inch pieces
1 large onion, coarsely chopped
1 red bell pepper, finely chopped
1 celery rib, finely chopped
2 large garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning
1 1/4 cups jasmine rice (9 ounces)
1 1/2 cups chicken stock or low-sodium broth
1 1/2 cups water
1 thyme sprig
Salt and freshly ground pepper
1/2 pound lump crabmeat

12 large shrimp, peeled and deveined
3 scallions, finely chopped
Tabasco

Instructions:

1. In a medium, enameled cast-iron casserole, heat the olive oil.

2. Add the andouille and cook over high heat, stirring occasionally, until lightly browned, about 3 minutes. Transfer to a bowl.

3. Add the onion, bell pepper, celery and garlic to the casserole. Cover and cook over high heat, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 3 minutes.

4. Add the Old Bay, rice and andouille and cook, stirring occasionally, until the rice is opaque, about 2 minutes.

5. Add the stock, water and thyme, season lightly with salt and pepper and bring to a boil.

6. Cover and cook over very low heat until the rice is tender and the liquid is absorbed, about 15 minutes.

7. Fluff with a fork and stir in the crab, shrimp and scallions.

8. Cover and let stand for 3 to 4 minutes, just until the crab is hot and the shrimp are opaque; discard the thyme sprig. Serve in bowls doused with plenty of Tabasco.

Making Christmas, Making Christmas

2008-12-23T19:34:00.001-07:00

For presents this year we decided to make a fancy variety of nuts, like those you find at Western Nut Company. We went down to Sunflower Markets to pick up some raw, unsalted whole nuts and set forth turning them into presents.

First, we soaked a gazillion pounds of almonds in a mixture of kosher salt and water. Ten hours later, we removed the almonds from the water and laid them out to dry.

While they were drying, we worked on other varieties.

Curried cashews.

Chipotle-Spiced Pecans.

A day after we dried the almonds, we loaded our smoker full of hickory wood and set forth slow smoking the almonds. For five hours they smoked. Every fifteen minutes that passed would require one of us to go outside and stir the nuts. After the five hours were up, we personally inspected each and every nut, weeding out any that had been too close to the flame. This step made me realize that there are actually people in the world that do this sort of thing as a job. It was back-breaking, mind-numbing work. Hats off to them as I could never be a professional nut sorter.

Once done, we packed the nuts into assorted sizes of takeout containers, labeled them, and smacked a holiday sticker on the top.

All done.

The Art of Eating

2008-12-10T06:54:00.001-07:00

As I travel the world and eat meals in the homes of locals, I notice the stark contrast between the ritual of eating in the United States versus everywhere else.

In New Zealand, it is a focus on fresh and local cuisine served simply usually using ingredients from right outside.

In Thailand, it is a focus on family and community. In the cities, everyone ventures to vendors to share meals family style. In homes, food is the same way. Piles of it shared for long periods of time between multiple family members.

All countries seem to use a combination of those two. Remote islands, Latin American countries...except for the United States.

If I was to host my Guatemalan friends in my home, how could I show them my country through its food? We're so much of a melting pot...are there any central traditions? Members of our society don't usually buy food street side, it takes thousands of miles to reach us, is usually prepared by someone else and eaten standing up, driving, etc.

Being a cook, it drives me crazy that I can't define my culture outside of fast food. The passing of a recent holiday answered my question. I would make a full Thanksgiving meal for visiting foreign friends. I can't think of anything else that our country, as a whole, sit down to regularly.

A Season of Thanks

2008-12-01T15:10:00.003-07:00

With the turn of a calendar page, an end is near. Three hundred and sixty five has been reduced to 31, leaving me to marvel at how quickly the year has gone by. It seems only days ago that I was starting the November countdown yet November has come and gone, gracing us with friends and family as it passed.

This Thanksgiving marked a first...two families under one roof. David's mom (Lucille) and one sister (Nyron) made their first trip up for the holidays to join the two of us and my parents. For several days, we gathered around the kitchen table sharing old memories and making new ones. There was none of that tension so common around the holiday table but there was plenty of laughter and love. It was a table of excess: bacon-wrapped dates, goat cheese stuffed dates, filled philo, wrapped olives, tapenade, mashed potatoes, 24 pounds of turkey, fresh cranberry sauce, canned cranberry sauce, spiced yams, brussels sprouts with bacon and chestnuts, stuffing, green beans, rolls, pumpkin pie, chocolate pecan torte, and plenty of wine.

While we dined like kings, we took delight in life's greatest pleasure...a home filled with good food and loving family.

Dinner Snapshot - Panko Trout with Rainbow Chard

2008-11-19T17:20:00.000-07:00

While the photo isn't very attractive, the food itself was fantastic. My father, the wandering fly fisherman, brought back a brown trout that would have made salmon cry. It was very long, very large, and very pink inside. The fillet in the photo is just one half of one side! Both of us agreed that it put most wild salmon to shame.

While I could have just cooked it up in a pan with a little bit of lemon, I was dying to use panko breadcrumbs on it. David's declared rainbow chard to be his new favorite vegetable...I'm pretty sure that he just likes it for the colors. Anyway, be prepared for more dishes that include rainbow chard.

Panko Crusted Trout

trout fillets - as much as two people can eat
1/2 cup panko breadcrumbs
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp rosemary, ground
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp cracked black pepper
1/4 grated parmesan
1 tbs butter, melted
juice of 1/2 lemon

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. In a small bowl, combine the panko crumbs, oregano, rosemary, salt, pepper and parmesan cheese.
3. Place fish in a baking pan and top with crumb mixture.
4. Sprinkle butter and lemon juice over the top.
5. Bake for 15 minutes or until flaky.

Sauteed Rainbow Chard

1 bunch rainbow chard
5 heads garlic, thinly sliced
shaved rind of 1/2 a lemon
1 tbs olive oil

1. In a large pan, heat olive oil over a medium flame.
2. Remove thick bottoms from chard. Cut leaves and remaining ribs into 2 inch pieces.
3. Saute garlic for one minute.
4. Add chard to pan and cook for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
5. Top with lemon rind and serve.

Circus Animals Found Dead

2008-11-14T14:04:00.002-07:00

This is so sad:

http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2008/smallbusiness/0811/gallery.victims_of_the_crash.smb/2.html

There are only two cookies that I really, really love from the junk food store: Mother's Circus Animals and Mother's oatmeal cookies sans frosting. Boo on rising butter costs. Boo on using food for fuel instead of feed!

Baking Snapshot - Bread Plait

2008-11-11T03:30:00.002-07:00

I came about this recipe by wanting hot bread. I pulled out a cookbook, looked at the basic ingredients to bread and then decided to wing it. I made two batches. While one was baking, I dropped the finished one off at my parent's house. These are so good, I've decided to make several to serve at Thanksgiving.

I use my Cuisinart food processor to make dough. If you do not have something similar, be sure to check out the alternative "by hand" directions underneath the main recipe.

Bread Plait

Dough:

4 tbs butter, melted

1 package active dry yeast

1/2 tbs honey

1 cup milk

3 cups flour

1 tsp salt

Glaze:

1 egg yolk

1 tbs milk

1 tsp honey

1. Preheat oven to 375.

2. Melt butter at a low heat so that it doesn't get too hot.

3. Pour butter in small bowl. Add milk, 1/2 tsp honey, and yeast packet. Whisk briefly.

3. Let yeast mixture stand 15 minutes.

4. Combine flour and salt in bowl of food processor.

5. With machine running, add yeast mixture through feed tube. Only pour as quickly as the machine can incorporate the liquid into the flour.

6. Process until a ball of dough forms and pulls away from the sides of the bowl.

7. Process an additional 60 seconds to knead the dough.

8. Form dough into a ball and set aside to rise until doubled in size, about 1-2 hours.

9. On a greased baking sheet, punch down dough.

10. Divide the dough into three equal parts.

11. Form long ropes with each dough part. Push the tops together and secure by sticking to the underside of the cookie sheet.

12. Braid the bread ropes.

13. Press the ends together gently and tuck each end under the loaf.

14. Cover loaf lightly with plastic wrap and let rise for another 30 minutes.

15. Whisk glaze ingredients together. Brush glaze over dough.

16. Bake 30-40 minutes or until deep golden brown.

By Hand:

1. Prepare dough as directed through steps 4 but put flour/salt into a bowl instead.

2. Form a well in the center of the flour.

3. Pour yeast mixture into flour well.

4. With a wooden spoon, stir from the inside out, gently incorporating more flour into the yeast mixture until all flour is mixed in.

5. Turn bread out onto floured surface and knead for 2 minutes or until smooth.

6. Place dough aside to rise and complete bread as directed in steps 8-16.

Dinner Snapshot - Brussel Sprouts - From Beginning to End

2008-11-10T02:09:00.002-07:00

A season of attending to several brussel sprout plants came to a conclusion when the last snow hit. Six plants had become one, most fell prey to raccoons. We were left with a giant stalk, toppling over from the weight of its sprouts. David had to use a saw to cut the stalk, measuring three inches in diameter. We had 1.9 pounds of sprouts total; the plant's largest sprout weighed in at over one ounce while the smallest could barely be registered by the palm of your hand.

David compared their taste to that of homegrown tomatoes...a tenderness and sweetness that you just can't get from grocery store equivalents.

Brussel Sprouts with Bacon

1-2 lbs brussel sprouts, cut in half lengthwise

2 tbs olive oil

6 ounces bacon, sliced into 1/2 inch thick pieces

2 tbs thyme, fresh or dried

1. Preheat oven to 425.

2. Heat olive oil in skillet over medium high heat. Add bacon. Cook four minutes, stirring frequently.

3. Add brussel sprouts and thyme. Stir well to coat sprouts.

4. Cook six to eight minutes.

5. Transfer sprouts to warmed casserole dish. Cook uncovered for 10 minutes. Serve.

Lunch Snapshot - Miso Soup with Shrimp

2008-11-06T07:54:00.002-07:00

This meal came from standing in front of the cupboards one day, trying to create lunch out of cupboards that weren't cooperating. I saw some wilted spinach, instant miso, and a pack of soba noodles. 15 minutes later, I had lunch.

Miso Soup with Shrimp

9 peeled shrimp, defrosted (can be done quickly by running under cold water)
1 handful spinach
1 tbs soy sauce
2 cups water
handful of soba or udon noddles
pinch of grated ginger (it's always good to have grated ginger on hand)
pinch of sugar
package of instant miso (I use the kind that has the actual miso paste packet)

1. Boil noodles as directed.
2. While noodles are boiling, put spinach in soup bowl. Set aside.
3. In a saucepan combine water, soy sauce, sugar, and ginger. Bring to a gentle boil.
4. Stir in the miso paste.
5. Add the shrimp to the miso mixture. Boil until cooked, about 2 minutes.
6. Toss in miso dry seasoning packet (to avoid the sodium, toss in some crumbled up dry seaweed and some green onion slices instead) and cook 1 additional minute.
7. Pour soup over spinach and serve.

Dinner Snapshot - Green Lipped Mussel Pasta

2008-11-02T07:08:00.001-07:00

This recipe is for two and takes about 20 minutes with prep time included.

Green-Lipped Mussel Pasta

Handful of whole wheat spaghetti

16 green-lipped mussels, scrubbed

small yellow onion, diced

five cloves garlic, diced

4 tbs unsalted butter

3/4 cup white wine

Fresh or dried Thai basil (regular basil will work just fine...we just prefer the freshness of Thai)

1. Bring water to a boil and drop pasta in. Cook until done.

2. While pasta is cooking, bring a large skillet to medium high heat. Add the butter and melt.

3. Add the onions and garlic to the butter. Cook, stirring occasionally, until translucent.

4. Add the wine to the onion mixture. Bring to a soft boil.

5. Add the mussels to the onion mixture. Cover. Cook five minutes or until done.

6. Drain pasta and place on plates.

7. Stir basil into the mussels. Spoon mussels and sauce over pasta and serve.

Dinner Snapshot - Clams with Bacon and Parsnips

2008-10-24T07:16:00.002-06:00

This is my favorite Food and Wine recipe. For those of you who have never eaten a parsnip and are daunted by this vegetable, don't worry! It's a tuber and tastes like a cross between a carrot and a potato. You like carrots and potatoes, right?

Viognier-Steamed Clams with Bacon and Parsnips

1 lb parsnips, peeled
1/4 cup olive oil, plus more for brushing
Salt and fresh ground pepper
4 slices thick bacon, cut crosswise into 1/2 inch strips
1 1/2 cups Viognier (any sweet white wine will do)2 tbs unsalted butter
1 shallot, minced
4 dozen littleneck clams, scrubbed and rinsed
1 cup heavy cream
2 tbs snipped chives

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Place the parsnips on a baking sheet. Brush all sides with olive oil. Season with salt and pepper.
3. Roast the parsnips, turning once or twice, until tender, 40-60 minutes. Remove and let cool.
4. Cook the bacon in a large, deep skillet, over a medium high flame until crisp. Drain the bacon
n paper towels and wipe out the skillet.
5. Slice the cooled parsnips 1/4 inch thick.
6. Pour the wine into the skillet. Add the butter and shallot. Bring to a boil.
7. Add the clams, cover, and cook over high until they open, about 8 minutes.
8. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the clams to a large bowl.
9. Pour the clam broth into a glass measuring cup. Rinse out the skillet. Slowly pour the clam
broth back into the skillet, stopping before you reach the grit at the bottom.
10. Add the cream and boil until the liquid has reduced by half, about 8 minutes, stirring frequently to keep the cream from separating.
11. Add the parsnips, bacon, chives, and clams (still in their shells) to the skillet. Season generously with pepper and bring to a boil.
12. Spoon into shallow bowl and serve.

Dinner Snapshot - Lentils and Couscous

2008-10-22T17:23:00.001-06:00

This is our cat, Tommy. He is obviously not lentils and couscous. If he was to resemble any meal, it would at least be "tom yum"[1].

Lentils with couscous turned out to be a highly unattractive dish to photograph, much like Pam Anderson after Tommy Lee. The first time around.

Anyway, on with the recipe which came about from me staring into the refrigerator and asking myself, “What’s for dinner?” Some leftover bacon, an ever present onion and garlic, and one sad looking carrot later, we had an answer.

Lentils with Couscous

1 bag lentils, washed and picked through for foreign objects
6 slices thick cut bacon, chopped
1 very large yellow onion, diced
7 large cloves of garlic, sliced
1 sad carrot[2], finely diced
2 tsp kosher salt
1 tbs curry powder
1 tsp cumin
Cracked pepper, to taste

Set a crock-pot to high.
In a large skillet over a medium-high flame, cook bacon until starting to go opaque.
Add onion to skillet and sauté until slightly translucent.
Add garlic and sauté until fragrant, about one minute.
Dump bacon mixture into the crock-pot and add the carrot, salt, curry powder, cumin, and cracked pepper.
Stir in 3 cups of water.
Set over high for two hours or low for six, adding more water as needed.

Serve over whole wheat couscous.

[1] You see, Tommy is Siamese. As in, from Siam. Tom Yum is a famous Thai dish. Explaining is tiring.
[2] I’m sure a happy carrot would work just as well.

Dinner Snapshot - Seasoned halibut with seasonal vegetables

2008-10-17T04:36:00.004-06:00

For the fish:
Halibut (I use about five ounces a person, but we're light eaters)
Potlatch seasoning
Olive Oil
Avocado

Rub halibut with olive oil and sprinkle lightly with sea salt. Rub potlatch seasoning into both sides. Cook via preferred method (in the winter, I like to just cook it stove top...heat a skilled over a medium-high flame and cook for about ten minutes, flipping once). To serve, slice half an avocado, fan out on a plate, and place fish on top.

For the Vegetables:
Large patty pan squash, chopped and seeds scooped
Corn, removed from cob
Ancho pepper, minced
Jalapeno pepper, minced
Large shallot, minced
Five cloves garlic, minced
Olive Oil
Black Pepper

Preheat the oven to 425 F. In a large bowl, combine all vegetables. Pour a little olive oil over them and stir until well-coated. Season with black pepper and stir again. Cook for 25 minutes or until squash is tender.

Squashing Summer

2008-10-13T07:42:00.001-06:00

We weren't quite prepared for the snow to fall so early on Saturday. We weren't very far into our first cup of coffee or GMA when fat white flakes started falling from the sky. This sent us scrambling for the garden to save whatever produce we could.

Tomatoes, green and red alike, were plucked from their vines. Lemongrass was ripped out by the roots. Assorted hot peppers were snipped. All remaining cucumbers, yellow squash, and patty pans were rushed indoors.

While I prepped our bountiful harvest, David worked on saving those plants that weren't quite ready or benefit from the cooler weather. He blanketed the onions and leeks, covered the less hearty herbs in plastic and left the brussel spouts alone to use this cold snap as time develop big heads.

The fall harvest is always met with a sad contentment. Gone are the days of vine-ripe tomatoes and fresh chimichurri sauces. We clean, sort, process and store the fruits (and vegetables) of our labor, savoring one last taste of sweet young onions speckled with dirt, and begin to dream about what we will plant next year.

Austrian Singing Goat

2008-10-07T17:20:00.001-06:00

The rare singing goat of Austria, found near Schladming, but now in captivity.

Dinner Snapshot - Highbrow Manwich

2008-10-05T14:17:00.003-06:00

This was a dinner that started with smoking chicken breasts in our Bradley smoker. David used pecan wood for 2.5 hours. We froze the whole breasts and just pull out however many we need for dinner.

After defrosting, David put the breasts over a low heat on the grill, misted them frequently with water, and let the breasts warm up. When warm, he shredded the breasts and placed them in a pot with a spicy barbecue sauce.

Half an onion, one red bell pepper and one orange bell pepper were thickly sliced, tossed with some olive oil and brown rice vinegar and then tossed into a grill wok until soft.

Fantasy Island to Personal Paradise - The Long Road Home

2008-09-30T17:18:00.000-06:00

From the time we stepped off the boat, it was a blur of activity. We made our Phuket flight on time but didn’t get to spend a few hours street eating in Bangkok as we had planned to do during our layover[1]. The length of our layover in Bangkok consisted of a tasty soba bowl and the best dark chocolate gelato of my life. As most people in BKK are just passing through, there is a lot of diversity. The airport is a stopover for many flights that continue on to India or the Middle East. As such, the people watching was very interesting. The parade of saris was a tribute to jewel tones while the U.S. citizens could be identified by their sensible shoes. The stressed out look on backpacker’s faces made us thankful of our ability to travel the way we do.

A movie was being shot at the airport while we were there. Although it was interesting, it wasn’t nearly as interesting as the 30 or so Saudi Arabian men, women, and children that were getting on the escalators in front of us. The men split up into a pack of two, with one pack going down the escalator first. When they got to the bottom, they formed a circle around exit of the escalator. The men at the top then ushered all the burka-clad women down, their eyes briefly catching mine through the small slit of their burkas. After the women went down, the rest of the men followed. When all the women were herded at the bottom, the group left. Unfortunately, they left their seven children at the top of the escalator, still awaiting instruction from their fathers.

We stood there looking at the children, they stood there not saying a word but looking frightened. I had no idea what to do…Should I stay with the children while David tracked down the group? We opted for a second option…stay at the top of the escalator with the children until someone came back for them.

About five minutes later, a few men came back, clucking away at the kids. I wonder if they recognized that the same people that had stopped to let their group pass them on the escalator was the same couple that was keeping watch over their children when they finally realized they had forgotten them. Did it make no difference? Could they see past my exposed hair and skin?

With hours still remaining until our departure, we found an available bench. Actually, we found three. It seemed that no one wanted to sit near the elderly woman. With missing teeth, shoes with the soles barely hanging on, holes in her socks visible where her shoes had worn through, and all of her life possessions on her back, she stared at the passing world while they ignored her. For hours, not a single person would look at her although everyone seemed to look at us. When it came time to catch our flight, I pulled out a wad of baht. Walking over to the homeless woman, I greeted her in my limited Thai, respected her as an elder, and then handed her 5000 baht, about $150 US dollars. Her eyes welled up with tears. Reaching out, she grasped my hands between hers and spoke to me in a language that I couldn’t understand but with more gratitude than I have ever heard. I just wanted her to know that someone took the time to actually see her.

When we departed for Taiwan, we flew Hello Kitty Airlines (actually, it was Eva Airlines, the official airline of Hello Kitty. I’m not joking). In flight, we bought wonderful Eva Air Hello Kitty figurines from our stewardesses decked out in Hello Kitty aprons. All this while flying in a plane that was painted with Hello Kitty characters. I don’t think that I could provide you any better example of Asia.

I had been feeling better and better as I got further and further from my tropical illness. Both of us were worried about how good I really felt, though, when we departed the airplane in Taiwan. We were almost immediately greeted by government health officials decked out in masks and gloves. Due to Avian Bird Flu concerns, every passenger went through an infrared sensor. If you had a temperature above a certain point, the sensor would identify you and your next stop would be the quarantine office. David took one look at the officials and told me to hold all sneezes and coughs until we passed through the infrared. We were pretty certain my temperature was closer to the normal range now but didn’t want to draw any attention to ourselves otherwise. It was with great relief that we got through the health check without a second glance.

Free to explore the vast Taiwan airport, we immediately headed to the food shops. The food area was interesting…It was like all the street vendors came from outside, set up a big corral of skillets and left one person to man them all. When we came over, we were ushered to the only open cart. As we ordered things from the menu, we kept being told that they didn’t have it. She finally gave us two choices of what they did have, I picked one and David picked the other. Then she shouted to some woman who appeared from nowhere, looked back at us and said, “Only pork soup!”

Starving, we took two bowls of the only obtainable food, pork and bitter fuzzy melon soup. I don’t think that pork was actually in it, just bones that you could suck marrow from. My reflections of that meal are not fond…David tells me that I can’t judge a country by its airport food[2].

By this time, we had been traveling for over 13 hours. Desperate for any food during our long layover that didn’t involve questionable ingredients, we headed to duty free. Our eyes being much greedier than our stomachs, we ended up with $72 of chocolate. In our defense, David notes that it was at least British chocolate.

Cracked out on candy, we walked it off in an airport filled with government propaganda. Books are on display about how mighty Taiwan, Republic of China, is. Posters declare the superiority of Taiwan’s people, culture, food, and innovations. It was an odd airport all around, complete with reading glasses to borrow in case you didn’t have your pair handy.

By the time we got back to Los Angeles, we still had another 15 hours to go until we got home. With no flight until the next morning, we didn’t want to sleep in LAX like we had to when coming back from Guatemala. We picked up our luggage and caught the Hilton shuttle.

After checking into our room, we found that it was too late to grab a bite to eat in any of their restaurants. Instead, we ordered room service. The last thing we had eaten was candy 15 hours prior. Ordering nachos, two sandwiches, French onion soup, and two liters of Perrier, we were like two prisoners who had just gotten out of jail minus the cigarettes and cheap hookers.

We managed a measly four hours of sleep, managing to sleep less than seven hours over a 49 hour period. We staggered back into our home to find it looking like the day after our pre-wedding shindig. All the barbeque supplies were in the fridge and freezer, beer brimmed top to bottom from several shelves, and the leftover sides and salads had unfortunately broken away, formed their own unions, and declared voting rights. Sixteen fabulous days were over. It was time to get back to the real world and it started with cleaning the fridge.

[1] We actually got laughed at when we asked the airline reps if we could make it 20 miles in six hours in a cab.
[2] Really? Because those oysters we had at Sea-Tac were to die for. I’d fly there just to eat oysters.

Dinner Snapshot - Creamy Broccoli Soup

2008-09-29T06:21:00.000-06:00

Instead of using actual cream, I created the creaminess by blending the soup and adding a cheese that has a high melting point, like Parmesan.

Natalie's Broccoli Soup

3 tbs butter

1 onion, chopped

5 cloves garlic, minced

2 lbs broccoli, stems peeled and chopped, florets set aside

1 head cauliflower, chopped

5 russet or golden potatoes, cut into medium chunks

6 cups vegetable broth

4 cups water

2 tsp salt

2 tsp cracked pepper

1 cup hard cheese, grated (Asiago, Parmesan, Romano, etc)

1. In a large soup pot over medium heat, melt the butter.

2. Add the onions and cook until soft and translucent, about 7 minutes.

3. Add the broccoli stems, potatoes, garlic, broth, water, salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook for 8 minutes.

4. Add broccoli florets and cauliflower. Cook until all vegetables are soft, about 10 minutes more.

5. Working in cooled batches, blend the soup in a blender until smooth. Transfer blended portion to a large pot for reheating.

6. Heat soup back up over medium-low heat. Stir in 3/4 of the cheese until stringy. Top with remaining cheese and serve.

Koh Yao Island - Day Nine - Not Goodbye, Just See You Later

2008-09-26T17:12:00.001-06:00

Five a.m. didn’t come as fast as I thought it would. We slept pretty soundly and both woke up exactly at five. At five fifteen, our wakeup call came in.

“Hello?” I said.
“Mr. David, your wakeup call is now. Wake up.”
“Thank you.” I said, used to them calling me Mr. David when they meant Mrs. David.

Five minutes later, the phone rings.

“Hello?” I said.
“You’re awake. Just checking.”
“Yes, we’re awake. Thank you.” I said.

Knowing that I had to start my day with a one hour long tail boat ride back to Phuket, I immediately filled myself with Dramamine and Imodium. I was taking no chances in my recovery from the Thai Virus Incident of ‘08[1].

With the clock down to two hours prior to departure, we did what any sensible couple would do…goof around on the beach and take a final swim.

We hopped in the shower together only to find out that there was no hot water. Or, pretty much, any water for that matter. Naked and shivering in the early morning air, we watched as the water trickled out of the shower head. Oh well, we were on an island. Who doesn’t have water issues on an island?[2] Conveniently, there was a large barrel of water right next to the shower head. It contained a coconut shell water scoop for rinsing your body. While cold, it got us cleaned up for our return trip to the States.

As we were finishing up the last of our packing, a knock came at the door.

“Yes?” I asked?
“Wake up call.”

At this point we giggled at their thoroughness. If we missed our flight, it sure wouldn’t be because they let us oversleep.

As we headed down to reception to pay the bill, I was filled with optimism. We met the finance manager who assured us that the previous night’s experience wouldn’t be a problem and that Visa Thailand would authorize the transaction if he called them directly. He called them, ran it through a few times, and was told that they couldn’t authorize it. Before I could have a meltdown knowing that all the money and more sat in our account to cover our invoice, the finance manager gave us a simple solution…Have our bank wire the funds when we got home on Tuesday. It was a very special arrangement, they said, due to us being return guests. It left us very grateful for the relationship that we have formed with the Paradise over the years. Their trust in us on this matter, allowing us to leave their resort and the country with a very large unpaid invoice, definitely ensured that we will continue to return to the Paradise.

Relieved knowing that we would make it home, we headed to the veranda to wait for our boat to leave. It was 6:30 and our boat was to depart at seven. Come seven, we are told that we are waiting on others. Come 7:15, Brethney and Keith arrive. They are handed their breakfast boxes and are told to join us as we are still waiting on one more couple. Although I enjoyed our last chance to chat with our Irish friends, I kept checking my watch. We had an hour ride back to Phuket plus a ½ hour ride from the dock to the airport. Then we needed to get checked in to begin the first leg of an international flight that departed at 10 a.m. I was feeling a bit cramped on time.

At 7:45, we were approached by an employee wanting to know if we could leave later as the missing couple was having troubles. I told him that it would be impossible to leave any later as we would miss our 10:00 flight. The only other flight was at 4:00 p.m. and our flight left from Bangkok at that time. It would cause us to miss all flights.

He hurriedly walked away. At 8:15, a breathless German couple arrives. No apologies for being over an hour late and putting our flight at risk. She just looked at us and said, “We had no hot water! We couldn’t get dressed!”

Really? You put my trip home in jeopardy because you had no hot water? Guess what, we had no water whatsoever and we still showed up on time!

We rushed to the dock. Instead of loading us into the long tail, they loaded us into the speed boat. I settled in to take one last look at my version of paradise.

[1] According to Monkipedia, the Thai Virus Incident of ’08 was a 24-hour period where Natalie, honeymooning on a remote Thai island, contracted a terrible tropical illness that left her begging for death while hallucinating in bed, hugging the toilet, and watching an extraordinary amount of BBC. Her husband, David, narrowly escaped the same fate.
[2] I remember visiting my aunt and uncle in the Virgin Islands. You could only shower for five minutes because of a lack of water. It taught me early on that fresh water is a precious commodity, especially when you are surrounded by the sea.

Koh Yao Island - Day Eight - The End of Lazy Days

2008-09-23T19:13:00.005-06:00

After spending the previous day in tropical illness misery, I wasn’t sure if our final day would be spent curled up in the fetal position. I opened up one eyelid, assessed the results, opened the other, assessed those results, stretched my legs around and deemed that I was well enough to get out of bed. With it being the last day of our honeymoon, I was anxious not to miss another minute of it. While I did miss out on an awesome opportunity the previous day, I’d choose being sick on a beautiful island over being sick at home any day[1].

As I was still recovering, I wasn’t up for our usual morning of swimming before breakfast. A gentle walk on the beach sounded just my speed. Oceanside, blue crowned hanging parrots called to each other from the tops of flowering gardenia trees. Juvenile great hornbills hopped from branch to branch, getting up the nerve every now and then to flap their wings in an attempt at flight while the adults pulled giant jungle snails from their shells. The best lazy mornings have you up with the birds and only the birds.

We didn’t stray far from our villa, taking it easy to increase the chances that I would travel well the following day. I said my goodbyes to the island by playing in its tide pools, swimming in the jade green water, and sleeping on its sandy shores.

I motivated us to pack prior to dinner, not wanting to come back to chores after an enjoyable evening. By the time the sky was dark, I was ready for some socialization. We headed down to the beach bar and found ourselves alone save the manager and two staff members. The other guests were already at dinner. We pulled up chairs seaside and sat side by side, my head resting on David’s shoulder. As the waves crashed we stored each one into memory…A crashing wave for every moment of enjoyment we shared during our first two weeks of married life.

As we got up to head for dinner, I noticed a bat hanging from the roof above an outdoor table. Being a bat lover, I got out the camera and started snapping away. It was as fascinated by me as I was of it, following me with its eyes. With a great photo of the bat on the screen, I headed over to show the staff. One man visibly recoiled, so very frightened of the thing. Minutes later, when I headed back over and tapped him on the shoulder, he actually screamed and jumped in the air certain that the bat was attacking him. The manager and I doubled over in laughter. I wonder what the local legends are to make a man so afraid of a harmless bug harvester.

After a light dinner, we pulled out the video camera for our walk back to the villa. The frogs were incredible, croaking at different octaves in various harmonies, probably fifteen in all. We wanted to remember the sound forever.

It was a wonderfully relaxing end to our trip but the journey home would start promptly at 7 a.m. the following day. As such, we headed to reception to pay our bill.

And so our nightmare began.

Reception presented us with the invoice. We went over it, assuring that all the laundry and mini-bar charges were correct. The meals and drinks seemed about in the range that we expected and so we handed over our debit card to settle the bill.

Swipe. Rejected. Swipe. Rejected. Swipe. Rejected.

“Do you have another card?”

“No, our debit card is all we use.”

Swipe. Rejected. Swipe. Rejected. Swipe. Rejected. At this point, I went to log onto the internet to check our checking and savings account balances and confirmed that we had six times the needed amount there. I reviewed the email from the bank confirming that my card is not blocked for use internationally (also confirmed by the many transactions we had already made on the trip).

Furious, I went to our room to call the bank. Of course, it was early in the morning in Utah and the bank was closed. Remembering that I had brought one credit card for emergencies, I headed back to the computers to check out the card’s limit. Natalie’s travel tip #1: when bringing an emergency credit card, make sure that the credit card can cover the highest expense that you pan on having. I furiously counted our remaining cash and traveler’s checks. Only $900. Between the cash and the credit card, we still didn’t have enough to cover the bill.

I had begun a full-fledged meltdown. While I sat silently crying at the computers, an Australian couple took pity on me and came up with every number possible for Visa or the bank that they could. Stack of numbers in hand, I headed back to the villa to make more phone calls.

Closed. Closed. Closed again. Yup, this one’s closed too. By this time, enough hours had passed that it was now nine a.m. back home. With a sinking feeling, I realized that my July 5th was July 4th in the States, a national holiday. No institution would be answering my calls.

With no way to pay, I had visions of us missing our flights and having to pay a gazillion more dollars for extra days and nights in Thailand and new airfare home[2]. Crying, I picked up the phone and called my mom and dad. I left a message full of sobs to the effect of, “Mom, dad, are you there? Please pick up the phone. We need help. We’re stuck in Thailand. Don’t worry, we’re not in trouble, we’re just stuck. We’re at the Paradise Koh Yao. I’ll call back.”

I headed back to the reception pavilion and found David awaiting the manager who had been roused out of bed to deal with this issue. By this time, we were old friends with Michael, having had many memorable conversations with him during our stay. I logged into our bank account and showed him the available funds in our two cash accounts. He noted to his staff that we were well above the means of paying our invoice and immediately put me at ease stating that it was no big deal; communications on the island were shoddy[3] and they would resolve the situation in the morning by having the finance manager call Visa Thailand. We were greatful that a path to resolution was in sight.

With a sigh of relief, we headed back to our villa to sleep. First, though, a call to my parents. My father answered the phone immediately, panicked. He had been on the phone calling the State Department, Homeland Security, and every other government agency he could think of. Low and behold, they were all closed for the holiday as well (to my relief). I asked him why he was doing that as my message said that we weren’t in trouble. “No it didn’t!” he said. “Yes it did!” I retorted, assured that I had made sure to clearly get that point across in the message so he wouldn’t do exactly what he did anyway. I guess that it is a rule of being a parent…panic now, listen later.

We were able to carry on some good catch-up conversation, excited at the opportunity to share some tales earlier than expected. I had been able to send out three emails, one of which had stated that I had fallen ill. I was able to report that I was feeling much better when, right at the end of our conversation, my stomach decided otherwise. A few hours of sleep were all I could ask for. The marathon home would begin at five a.m.

[1] I always say that I’d rather be sick on an island but what about when the day comes that I am so sick on an island that I need medical assistance? My old boss would assure you that this day will come. When it does, you find me wrapped around the toilet cursing whatever third-world country I am in at the time.
[2] Natalie’s Travel Tip #2: When purchasing airfare to and from halfway around the world, make sure that it is refundable or that it at least will let you change the date of your flight.
[3] It is a remote Thai island, after all.

Koh Yao Island - Day Seven – Village Lunch Venture Sans Natalie

2008-09-18T11:58:00.054-06:00

As Natalie posted previously, we had a horrible evening filled with chills and sweats. In the middle of the night I was saddened at the thought of missing our big opportunity to eat lunch at Man’s home. We were VERY honored to receive the invitation. I forced myself back to sleep each time my body awoke in hopes that I would feel better in the morning. Luckily for me, it worked. However, poor Natalie was forced to accept missing “Rex Manning Day” because she was too ill to travel to the other side of the island, much less eat.

I was instructed to be at the pier at 10:30 a.m. to catch the employee shuttle to western-extending Tha Khao Pier. Man met me at the scuba diving hut and we boarded the longtail boat for the 30 minute voyage. Upon arrival at Ban Tha Khao I had some time to visit the local hut-stores that carry everything from hanging blowfish lamps (think Chinese paper lantern…then replace paper with petrified blowfish corpse) to virtually every item that can be carved from coconut. Our island friends handsome Gokce and beautiful Gokce had visited this village the day before and purchased a coconut carving of a Mangosteen, which is only Natalie and my favorite fruit in the whole world. Our jaws dropped when we saw their carving and we were sad we missed that shop during our sunset trip to the village a couple of days earlier. With a heavy heart, knowing my wife was violently ill on the island, I sought-out the Mangosteen artist and purchased the most detailed one as a surprise.

While I shopped, Man procured a rental car for the 30 minute drive from the pier to his family’s rice and fish farm. We hopped into the Suzuki Samurai, rolled down the windows and navigated the coastline to the southern tip of Koh Yao. After passing rubber plantations, another pier, and a scooter dealership we arrived at his family home. I was told that in Thai culture the groom moves to the bride’s family compound (Man showed me his old village and his boyhood home on the way back to the Paradise that evening). Each village is broken into family areas where cousins, mothers, nieces and nephews all build homes close to one another. Man’s area of the village consisted of five or six homes that ringed a large rice field less than 20 meters from the waters of the Andaman Sea.

When we arrived at the compound I was immediately excited as this was a REAL experience – not a paid tourist day trip. I had been invited as a friend to a Muslim home to enjoy seafood prepared by the “best cook on the Island.” I was conscientious to honor my hosts and express my gratitude while avoiding social gaffes.

I stepped out of the Suzuki and immediately sprang toward two trained monkeys that were on the property. They were coconut harvesters that can clear a tree much faster than any human.[1] Man drew my attention to the rice field that he works twice a year. Once to plant…then watch for months…then again to harvest. The rice is sold by the family at the local pier so they can purchase other goods.

At this point I noticed that the members of his family were coming out of their homes to catch a glimpse of the American. I felt like Gilbert Grape’s mother when she goes into town to bail Leo out of jail for climbing the water tower – all eyes were on me. My eyes were wide open to absorb my surroundings.

Moving closer to the water we passed an area where the daily fish catch is prepared for meals and market. There were two cats snacking on a fish head treat. Cats can be spotted throughout southern Thailand where upwards of 95% of the population is Muslim. You will probably not, however, see a dog in southern Thailand as I learned that Muslims consider dogs to be dirty and therefore cannot be touched or fed.[2]

Man’s family, as he told me, is very fortunate. They have the land to grow rice and they also purchased a fish farm. The farm is an investment that should return profits in a few years. For now, much of the money they get from selling their fish goes to the farm cost. We boarded another longtail boat in order to get out to the fish farm in an island-protected cove that was filled with 20 or 30 other floating fish farms. Man said that longtail was “authentic” because it smelled like fish with gills peppering the seats and a wet net in the center. He snapped a picture of me and his brother-in-law just before the water seeped into my pants.

The fish farm is a family affair and requires a lot of work.[3] They purchase 10-12 different types of small, live fish, prawns and rainbow lobster at the pier and place them in separate holding areas in the fish farm grid. Each grid square has a cloth cover and a net on the bottom to stop the critters from escaping into the open water of the sea. After many months of daily feedings the fish are huge and ready to sell for a healthy profit. I learned that one of the reason rainbow lobsters are so expensive is that they will not eat fish, dead or alive.[4] The farm owner must gather muscles and clams from the sea floor and feed them live to the lobster. The other animals in the farm are fed small fish that are caught daily or purchased from the market. The two coolest things in the farm were fish that were nearly two feet long that look like small sharks (down to the appendage that resembled a dorsal fin) and the white snapper that grow to nearly 5 pounds.[5]

Lunch was served in an absolutely beautiful home built on pillars over the sea with a welcoming front patio area filled with potted plants and benches. It was long and narrow with wooden floors through which you can see the water below. There was one bedroom, a long hallway with a refrigerator and storage areas, kitchen with a small stove and rice cooker, bathroom, and back patio. Immediately after removing my shoes and crossing the threshold Man stopped me to share his excitement over a plaque awarded to his brother in law for being a champion Muay Thai fighter. I took a picture, which made Man very happy. I learned that all Thai boys must learn Muay Thai to defend themselves and their families - take that NRA!

His mother-in-law and wife were working furiously in the kitchen as they had been all morning. They caught the white snapper, grouper, prawns, clams, oysters, and blue crabs that morning and had been preparing for my arrival. All of the seafood was from the family farm – one that I could have hit from the table by tossing my plate Frisbee-style with the right tail wind. I was told that the family always eats on the floor of the home but that they found a table, chairs and colorful tablecloth for my visit. I was looking forward to a traditional meal but I was honored by their special efforts.

As we spoke on the patio I learned that Man’s wife was due to give birth to their first child the next morning. They were going to travel by boat to the Krabi hospital to be induced but for now she was busy keeping the family fed – what a trooper! We also discussed the land and home prices on the island. While all ocean-front property was sold, there were other beautiful places for “you and Natalie to raise your family” as Man put it. He must really like us to show me all of the available real estate nearby. The hill behind his home looks south over the Andaman Sea towards Indonesia “is only $150,000 and you can build a beautiful home for $80,000.” Don’t tempt me – if non-Thai’s could own land I may do it. As a bonus, the owner of the hill will receive numerous poisonous jungle cobras - free!

Meanwhile, the table was loaded with plate after plate of colorful dishes with delectable smells, hot chili dipping sauce, rice, and water. There was enough food for six with just two hungry men ready to eat. We did our best to consume as much as possible. I had an especially hard time because the illness the night before, boat ride and fish farm excursion made my stomach a bit touch-and-go. I did not want to insult Man or his family by eating too little or so much that I was ill. Needless to say we had a ton of leftovers that were all bagged-up for Natalie to enjoy if she felt better. THE FOOD WAS FANTASTIC!

Spicy Grouper Curry.

Wood BBQ White Snapper.

Spicy Seafood Salad.

After lunch, and before our miniature banana desert, Man and I called Natalie in our cabana. She sounded miserable – later she would tell me that my call came-in during one of the worst parts of her day in terms of illness. Based on her tone we decided to hurry and catch the next boat home after stopping at the pharmacy.

Thai’s love their king! The King provides cheap healthcare[6] and free education for his people. While some hospitals and doctors are better than others (i.e. the hospital on Koh Yao itself is regarded as a bit sketchy by the locals) the overall healthcare system is very accessible. The pharmacists of Thailand assist in minimizing the cost by filling a vital role in healthcare services by diagnosing minor issues and providing prescription medication. Man and I were able to describe Natalie’s illness and for less than $1 I was able to get Natalie three days worth of two medications, one for upset stomach (take before eating) and the other for nausea (take after eating). In the states the only non-prescription options available for her ailment would be Pepto-Bismol and Tylenol – a nausea prescription would require a primary care physician visit, $20-$30 co-pay, waiting days or weeks for the appointment, plus the prescription cost. You have to love capitalism’s grip on the US healthcare system.

With medication in hand we waited at the pier for our shuttle back to the Paradise. The sky was turning grey and a few rain drops hit my skin. Regardless, four of us rode on top of the boat roof to feel the wind in our hair and to enjoy the beautiful island and bay views.

When we reached our resort Man and I quickly walked to our cabana to visit Natalie. He waited outside while I went in to raise the dead. After a few minutes Natalie scraped herself out of bed to say hello and thank Man for his caring friendship, translation services at the pharmacy, and wonderful seafood leftovers. We were both relieved to see her up and moving around as we had been very worried about her all day. Remember, his wife is going to have a baby the next morning and he was at our cabana helping to care for Natalie – what a great friend!

Later that evening I went to the restaurant to get Natalie some bread and me some rice. She was so ill that I had to take the hot rice and cold lunch leftovers outside on the beach to enjoy (poor me!) in order to keep her nausea at bay. Poor Natalie was struggling to keep her bread down so she took an “after” nausea pill and zonked-out after we discussed my adventure and I shared photos.

I spent the remainder of the evening watching BBC and reading.

This was such a great day I wish that Natalie could have joined me. I love traveling for the adventure, food and people – not landmarks and pampering. This day was genuine and rewarding.

Special Note: One of the photos above of Man and his wife was from that day (see Natalie's leftovers on the bench). I have been e-mail pals with him since our departure. She gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby boy on July 6th.

[1] We learned all about Coconut Monkeys during our first trip to Thailand when we visited “Monkey School.” It was a frightening experience because the adorable monkeys have three inch teeth and are incredibly strong. I had a monkey climb my body like a tree while my hands were bound together.
[2] The opposite is true in Bangkok where Thai’s are predominantly Buddhist. You will see packs of roaming street dogs everywhere in the city – often in heartbreaking situations.
[3] It could be said that “It takes an entire family compound to raise a lobster.”
[4] This is a fact I could not support with a Google search result but I trust the fish farmer over Wikipedia and the LobsterFacts blog.
[5] Wasabi and chopsticks anyone?
[6] I was told that regardless of the ailment, it costs Thai’s less than $2 to see a doctor and get all the required care.

Dinner Snapshot - Braised Halibut and Couscous

2008-09-15T19:14:00.000-06:00

The way to my heart is definitely through fish. My father is currently on a fishing expedition in Alaska, fighting the bears for his share of the catch. His mad angler skills landed us 18 lbs of halibut filets flash frozen and delivered to our doorstep a full week before dad even gets back. We invited my mom over for dinner last night. I prepared a Mediterranian-style meal that took 15 minutes of prep and 10 minutes of actual cooking time before landing on our plates. David took a moment before our meal to give thanks to my father for sending us such a great catch.

Braised Fish with Artichoke Hearts and Red Peppers

1lb halibut or other firm fish
1 cup onions, thinly sliced
3 tbs olive oil
1 red bell pepper, thinly sliced
5 artichoke hearts, quartered
1 tsp paprika
1 tbs dill, chopped
2 tbs parsley, chopped
1/2 cup dry white wine
salt and pepper
1 tbs flour

1. Rinse fish, season with salt and pepper, set aside
2. In a large skillet over a medium flame, heat the olive oil and saute the onions for 3 minutes.
3. Add red peppers and saute for 3 more minutes.
4. Add artichoke hearts, paprika, dill, and parsley to skillet. Stir well and cook for 1 minute.
5. Add the wine and 1/2 cup of the artichoke brine (water will do as well).
6. Place the fish in the skillet, skin side down.
7. Cover and cook for 5-10 minutes or until the fish is flaky.
8. With a slotted spoon, remove the fish and vegetables and put on a warmed plate.
9. Turn up the heat to medium-high and whisk the flour into the remaining pan juices until thick.
10. Pour the sauce over the fish and serve.

Couscous with Sun-Dried Tomatoes

1 medium onion, finely chopped
2 tbs olive oil
8 sun dried tomatoes, chopped
1/4 tsp dried thyme
1 1/4 cups boiling water
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup whole wheat couscous

1. In a medium saucepan over a medium flame, saute the onions in the olive oil.
2. When the onions are getting soft, add the tomatoes and thyme. Saute for 5 mintues more.
3. When onions are translucent, add the boiling water and salt.
4. Bring mixture to a boil.
5. Stir in the couscous and simmer over a low flame for 5 minutes.
6. Stir with a fork to fluff and serve.

Dessert Snapshot - Peach Pie

2008-09-15T17:18:00.004-06:00

It's peach season here in Utah and the local peaches are plump, juicy, and sweet. David's been begging me to make peach anything, preferably cobbler. However, I'm a pie crust master. If I am going to make anything, I'm going to make sure that it includes my crust. David ended up lucking out, though. You see, the neighborhood bishop lives behind us and his wife adores me. She talks to me over the fence for hours about gardening and about our common garden enemy, the raccoon. This translates into delicious baked goods. Not only did she give us a whole loaf of fresh baked whole wheat bread, she also gave David a big scoop of her peach cobbler right when it came out of the oven. Needless to say, David spent yesterday in dessert heaven. It was well deserved payment for all the hard work he put into prepping the yard for winter.

Koh Yao Island - Day Seven - Natalie Says "Kill Me Now"

2008-09-05T10:25:00.005-06:00

The morning had come and our exciting lunch at Man’s was fast approaching. Only it was one thirty in the morning and the lunch was approaching just a little too fast. I laid there contemplating just exactly what was happening to me right at that moment. Did those Malibu pineapples pack more of a punch than I thought? My seventh sense (the husband sense) went off and I knew that David was awake as well even though neither of us had moved or made a noise. “I don’t feel good,” I said. “Me neither,” he replied. We both fell back asleep.

At five thirty, I woke up to a spinning room and considerable sweating. My seventh sense went off again and I knew that David was going through the same thing right next to me. (Graphic details ahead) “I don’t feel good!” he shouted while bolting to the bathroom. I laid there feeling the worst I ever felt and then the vomiting began. David didn’t get the vomiting but I was lucky enough to get both going on within five minutes of each other, twice an hour for two hours. We both headed back for some more sleep.

Waking up at nine, I felt terrible but wasn’t feeling as terrible as I expected to be. We had missed our breakfast with the Gokce’s and worried that we had missed our last chance to see them. I talked David into making an effort to see how we felt. I figured we were on the verge of an international incident if we didn’t go to Man’s for lunch. His family had put so much effort into having these foreigners come, something that they’ve never done before, and we fell ill the previous night. It would be an insult not to go. We pulled ourselves out of bed, got cleaned up, and headed down to the breakfast villa for some dry toast.

Right when we rounded the corner, we literally ran into Man. “David Copperfield!” Man yelled, using his favorite name for David. He then proceeded to tell us how they had gotten up very early to get all of the fish and that his mother-in-law had been cooking for hours. We gave each other looks that totally portrayed the necessity in our going. Then, the island started to spin. Oh, wait, that wasn’t the island…that was me right before I shouted, “I need to sit down” before bolting to the nearby restroom to begin another vomiting bout.

David managed to get me back to the room at which point I collapsed onto the lounger in misery. “You have to go,” I said. “You feel much better than I do. I can’t go anywhere.” Still sick himself, David agreed. It involved a 30 minute boat ride and a 30 minute jeep ride on winding, bumpy roads. Popping every single bit of Dramamine and Imodium in sight, David prepared like a trooper.

Meanwhile, I deteriorated quickly. The rotation of sickness that had begun at 5:30 had reared its ugly head once again, this time with frightening regularity. At some point, David left to go to lunch. I spent the next six hours between the bed, the bathroom, and the lounger. Unable to sleep from sickness, I watched BBC News all day and caught up on the rest of the world’s politics.

For three hours of those six, I was the most miserable I have ever been. My mind flashed back to a National Geographic special we had watched about a woman who was traveling alone on a Thai island, caught Dengue Fever, and spent the next two weeks with the world spinning and going through much of what I was going through right then. The story ended up with some man convincing her to smuggle heroin back to Britain and her being sent to Thai prison for the rest of her life.

As I laid there with the worst fever of my life, I realized that I was actually moaning in pain and misery. At one point, it didn’t make sense to leave the bathroom anymore and I spent a good portion of time just lying on the cold tile floor. The room gecko found himself trapped in there with me and entertained me while he tried to figure a way out of the room while avoiding me in every possible way. Maybe it was a hallucination.

Never in my life had I been so grateful to be alone when sick. David would have felt terrible, as he does when there is nothing he can do to make me feel better. I was so embarrassingly sick that I was thrilled he didn’t have to endure it with me. By one p.m., I had crawled back into bed and began to worry that maybe I did have Dengue Fever. I was in the right area and had been bitten by plenty of large jungle mosquitoes…mosquitoes so tough that bug spray just made you spicy. Was I going to be able to catch my flight Saturday morning? At this point, there was no way I could spend an hour on a boat to even get to the airport? Would I be stuck here, lose my job, and possibly end up being victimized by some random person using me as a drug mule? The hallucinations were getting out of control, the cold shower to make the fever go down didn’t work, but eventually I was able to fall asleep while wishing that this bug would just kill me already.

At two thirty, Man called. Everyone in the family was terribly worried about me and he wanted to see how I was doing. He put David on the phone. It was nice to hear from him. I barely remember our conversation and was asleep again before I knew it.

At four, David was gently shaking me awake. He had returned with a giant bag of food that Man’s family had packed up for me (enough to feed ten!) as well as two prescriptions for the fever and the nausea. Man took him to a local pharmacist and translated what was wrong with me. It was as simple as that and David scored what became my miracle pills for less than a dollar. He had also come with Man himself, who was waiting outside to see me. I couldn’t imagine myself getting out of bed but managed to do so before he left. He was so worried about me yet his wife was giving birth the following day!

Back inside, David fed me some orange powder in water that was supposed to help my stomach. He then gave me a pill that I was to take prior to eating. I couldn’t even contemplate eating what he was sent home with (blue crabs, squid, lobster, and all the other tasty stuff that I would normally fight to the last bite over). David headed off to the restaurant to procure bread for me. The Paradise makes about six different kinds of bread every day. When he told them that I was sick and needed bread, they asked him what kind of sickness I had and then brought out two appropriate bread types.

I managed to get through two pieces of bread. David had tried to eat the leftovers from lunch inside but I had to ask him to take it outside. The smell made my stomach do flips. Unable to keep the remaining leftovers inside as the smell from the fridge would kill me; he had to resort to the garbage on the beach. So sad that I couldn’t even try a bite.

After I was done eating, he fed me the “after” pill which helped me fall asleep. We did manage to discuss his day before I fell asleep, but that is an adventure for him to blog about.

Dinner Snapshot - Cedar Planked Salmon with Honey Sesame Sauce

2008-09-04T17:39:00.005-06:00

Cedar-Planked Salmon with Honey Sesame Sauce

on a bed of Peperonata

served alongside Wild Rice

Cedar-Planked Salmon with Honey Sesame Sauce

Soak the cedar plank for three hours prior to use (you can go an hour if your pressed for time but any less than that and you will have flaming salmon).

6oz wild salmon filets (my favorite is Coho)

one cedar plank

1/4 cup honey

1 tablespoon sesame seeds (toasted)

Heat bbq to 400F. Place plank on grill for two minutes and then flip over. Place salmon on plank, skin side down and grill until done (about ten minutes). There is no need to flip the fish. In the meantime, combine honey and sesame seeds. When salmon is done, serve on individual plates and pour honey mixture over fish.

Peperonata

A combination of tomatoes, peppers, and onions. We just use whatever is on hand, be it any color of bell pepper or any of the varieties of hot pepper that we have growing out back. This receipe is good for any peppers, tomatoes, or onions that are nearing the end of their edible life. All amounts can be made larger to accomodate more than two people.

1/8 to 1/4 cup olive oil - we use about 1/8 but you may need more depending on how many ingredients you are using

1 cup onion (any color), thinly sliced

2 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced

2 cups of peppers, seeded, and thinly sliced

1 1/2 cups of tomatoes, any kind, chopped

1/4 cup fresh basil, chopped

In a large skillet, head oil over medium heat. Add the onion and saute until tender but not brown (5-8 minutes). Add garlic and cook until fragrant (30 to 60 seconds). Add peppers and cook until browning (10 minutes). Add tomatoes and cook until peppers are tender (about 20 minutes...everything should be a bit cooked down now). Remove from heat. Stir in basil and season with salt and pepper. Serve.

Koh Yao Island - Day Six - A Day Away from "Kill Me Now"

2008-09-03T13:58:00.008-06:00

Having been guests of the Paradise previously, we planned our activities while on Koh Yao accordingly. The kayaking trip through the sea caves? Did it in 2004. Rock climbing in Krabi? Save it for the next trip. With our history on the island and the probability of us returning a third time already being sorted out in detail[1], we made the bold decision to do absolutely nothing all day.

Doing absolutely nothing sounds leisurely but takes a lot of sudden planning. It starts with the question of getting out of bed. Do we or don’t we? The desire to get early morning photos got our butts hustling by seven. Swimming followed, breakfast was had (coconut jam, oh glorious coconut jam) and we were back to our villa by nine. The next question we encountered was, “How many provisions do we truly need when our villa is just 40 meters away?” We decided on a lot and packed the beach bag full with four different sunscreens, two ipods, four books, one dominoes set, two headbands, four towels, one beach blanket, two travel journals and pens, Cubans, a pit viper and an array of fruit. You can never be too prepared.

Once set up on the beach, perfectly situated under a flowering frangipani tree, we headed off to the other side of the cove for some beach exploration. From the boat, we had spotted a nice beach and were determined to bushwhack our way over there. After climbing over painful limestone, we decided to have a go in the deep tide waters. As we were standing there, talking about our game plan, a large blue crab[2] found interest in David’s exposed toes. Waggling in his flip flop, his big toe looked to be a tasty meal to the crab and he started to sneak closer and closer. My instinct, of course, was to pick up the camera. I told David to waggle his toe a bit more. He said, “But the crab will attack me!” By this time, the crab wasn’t just scoping out his toe…he had his arms stretched wide ready to wield his claws. Being the loving wife, I answered “Don’t be ridiculous! The crab won’t attack you!” while I positioned myself with my finger on the camera trigger to catch the attack going down. Ever trusting of me, David waggled his toes. Sure enough, the crab made a sudden fast movement toward David who was, fortunately, a millisecond quicker than the crab. He had yanked his foot out of his flip flop, leaving the crab with nothing but a clawful of rubber. We shook the crab off of his shoe and watched it immediately attack a sea snail. After watching in awe while the crab devoured the snail, we decided that it was just too dangerous to continue on. This turf belonged to the crabs.

Back at our beach post, we read, we swam, we read, we swam and we were looking for something better to do by 11:30. I was able to schedule a Thai massage for four but needed a change of pace in the meantime. When in doubt, eat. We headed off to the beachside restaurant for a light lunch...fresh ahi sashimi and two orders of prawn caesar salad. The sashimi was perfect, the salads were tasty, but it was all upstaged by the appearance of Man, our dear island friend. He presented us with a baggie of yam thale rod ded, a spicy salad made with prawns, mussels, crab, and squid. His mother-in-law, known as the best cook on the island, had heard that we were looking for some truly spicy food and sent Man off with her famous salad and an invitation to come over to lunch the following day. Lunch at Man’s house? We couldn’t believe our luck. What a cultural opportunity this would be.

While we entertained ideas of the food we’d be served the next day, we dug into our initial sampling. The ingredients had been pulled out of the water that morning from Man’s very own fish farm. As we were eating it, staff members kept coming over to make yummy noises and to ask if it came from Man’s mom. When we would affirm, they would respond with “pet chin chin”, the ultimate in spiciness. We agreed. Covered in a green chili sauce with liberal additions of red chilis, the salad was definitely pet chin chin. Every single last bit of it went into our stomachs. If we had been alone, I would have licked the plate.

Back at the beach, it was time to head in for a swim before tide went out. A half hour later and it was gone, leaving some very fresh tide pools to explore. While David went back to the villa to grab the camera, I headed into the murky sand to find starfish. Boy, did I ever find them! By the time that David came back to the tide pools, he found me reclining on my elbows with starfish lined up from my belly to my toes. Big ones, little tiny baby ones, ones missing a leg, ones missing two legs, all difficult models. Those things can move. Frankly, that was half the fun, lying there while starfish crawled off my body. It’s like feeling all the legs of a millipede only way less grody. We crowned me “Natalie, Queen of Starfish”.

When the afternoon rolled around, we moved our operation to our pool. With no tide, we wanted to be able to take a quick dip. Both of us plopped into our recliners with books to enjoy some peace and quiet. Right then, two German women encroached on our turf. They started walking up our private beach with inquisitive looks on their faces. Once I spotted what they were looking at, I yelled “Grab the camera!” to David as I went to check out the monitor lizard that had walked onto our property. He was a beauty at about three feet long. The property manager had informed us that a five meter one lived in the next bay over…the way the little one looked at me did not make me want to venture over for a look at the large one. His eyes said, “I’m calm now, but one wrong move and I’ll thrash your leg with my tail and make you cry like a little girl.”

Just as I was about to hop in the pool, I realized that I had a Thai massage appointment to go to. I ran down to the spa pavilion and changed into my sarong in record time. I had spent the day mentally prepared myself for a dismal Thai massage experience. In 2004, I had the worst Thai massage of my life at this very location. It was like a terrible Swedish massage with clothes on, not the tugging, stretching, kneading experience that it should be. Brethney had tried it the previous day and stated that she kept having to tell the girl “harder” but finally got what she was looking for. As Brethney’s previous Thai massage experience had been done by a Russian woman in a Slovakian spa retreat, I quickly ascertained that she didn’t have any idea what Thai massage was supposed to be like. No matter how many times I asked “harder”, “firmer”, or “deeper”, it just didn’t come through and I found myself thinking about balancing my checkbook. You know that it is a terrible massage when you find contemplating finances more relaxing. Her actions were slightly redeemed by a proper Thai back-cracking at the end but I was ever so happy to come back to the villa to find David poolside with two pineapple juices with coconut rum awaiting my return. As we had picked up pineapple juice and Malibu rum in town a few days previous, he kept them coming, complete with pineapple wedges and orchids. Note - do not leave a fruity drink at ground level. The next sip you take may be filled with ants.

We headed over to dinner later than usual; the place was packed when we arrived. It was seafood buffet night. Or, in Natalie’s world, everything right in the world on a plate. Give me seafood for any meal every day and I will be eternally happy. A large boat sat at the very end. It contained quite the arrangement of seafood. Entire fish, some measuring three feet long, were laid out on the ice with rainbow lobsters, giant oysters larger than my fist, huge tiger prawns, blue crab, squid and other assorted sea creatures. Ma laughed when we put in our order: two giant oysters, one rainbow lobster, squid, and one entire fish. We snacked on steamed mussels, sucked down the oysters for hordes oeuvres, devoured every last bit of the fish and sucked the lobster dry. After we finished that round, we ordered another lobster. All of that for less than dinner for two at Bambara.

We visited with the Gokce’s afterward, getting tips from them on how to dress for lunch with a Muslim family the next day. I settled on a long skirt and a wispy long sleeved shirt. David opted for linen pants and a short sleeved linen shirt. With our hosts being Thai Muslims, we didn’t need to worry too much about modesty but erred on the side of caution anyway in a desire to be respectful to their home. Back in our villa, we couldn’t fall asleep. It was like we were going to Disneyland the following day. What was it like in a Thai home? What sort of deliciousness would we be served? What is Man’s wife like? Most of all, we were thinking, “Wow. What an honor this will be.” We couldn’t wait for the following day.

[1] Probability of Return: A wise Swedish woman on our trip gave us the wicked idea of giving birth in Krabi. The company would basically pay you to take a post-partum holiday. They say that it takes a village to raise a child…with a large network of support on Koh Yao, we would feel comfortable handing over our newborn to Ma or her family, Man’s family, or any of the staff members for a few hours while we could recover from baby. Babies are most precious in Thailand…Islands seem to have strong baby communities as well. While it’s a splendid thought, I figure that we will go back multiple times in our life anyway. Plus, that just may be to Brangelina.
[2] Large Blue Crab: There really are no large blue crabs. They’re all just so adorable…yet so aggressive!

Dreaming of Shun

2008-08-26T09:20:00.003-06:00

After ten years of use, my Henckels knives are worse for the wear. Our nightly cooking has worn them down to the point that they become dull after almost every use. David fears me whenever I wield one as I am always coming so close to cutting myself but the knives have been too dull to break the skin. I think that I am always cutting myself because my knives are so darn dull. I've been eyeing up Shun sets.

I really want the Shun Kaji 19 piece set.

However, the Shun Steel set is much more affordable.

As with any large purchase, I am going to have to noodle this.

Found on Flickr - FANTASTIC

2008-08-15T16:00:00.002-06:00

Koh Yao Island - Day Five - From Elephants to Snakes

2008-08-13T16:56:00.004-06:00

From elephants, we moved on to a local restaurant for lunch. The entire time, I was pretty depressed that it wasn’t street vendor food. I was even more depressed when more white people showed up to eat there. The bathroom, however, thrilled me. The last time we were in Thailand, almost all toilets were like this one...a simple hole that you perch your feet on both sides, do your thing, and then "flush" using a nearby bucket of water. In the past four years, Thailand has westernized most of the toilets. So, yes, finding this toilet was like finding an ancient Thai gem.

From lunch, we went into Ao Nang village for the “shopping” portion of our tour. It wasn’t my speed of shopping so I sat outside with Man while David went on a mankini hunt. Don’t worry, dear readers, it was unsuccessful. Man laughed at David, telling me that it is normally girls who like to shop. We then went on to discuss the finer points of Lady Boys until David came out bearing a new shirt.

It was hot. Hot. HOT. My body temperature quickly rose and steps were taken to cool me down immediately. Once I was good to go, we started to head back to the pier. Passing a long stretch of street vendors, I asked if we could stop. Man was incredulous that we wanted to stop for street food. Never in the history of the Paradise had a guest wanted to eat from street vendors when out on an excursion.

These vendors were awesome! Their carts attached to their motorbikes and they would just cook up food while sitting on their motorbike seat. We walked the length of the vendors and found two that looked delicious. The first was making som tom, green papaya salad. We ordered it “ped ma”, very spicy, and finally experienced some of our first truly spicy food of the trip. Of course, it still wasn’t spicy enough for us. The vendor’s husband was grilling up chicken so I ordered a large piece of that. It was served to me without the traditional spicy chili sauce…Silly Thai’s making assumptions. Man went to ask for some for me, arguing with the vendor that I could handle it. David had ordered tofu pad thai from another vendor and it was unlike anything I had ever experienced in the wonderful world of pad thai. We slurped down every last bit of our spicy second lunch and headed back to the pier.

By the time that we got back to the Paradise, it took all of my strength to stay awake until dinner. We both pulled through with a dip in our pool, a shower, and some reading. Arriving at the beach bar early, we found the general manager sitting alone. We sat down with him, ordered a drink, and enjoyed a cigar with him as he lamented about it being one of his last. The next day was his wife's birthday and it had been a promise a long time coming. He was a delightful individual to speak with, having a sound mind and an impressive business history. Retiring to Thailand to manage a beautiful resort on a small island was his version of paradise. Ours too. I'm convinced that David and I have twenty more years to make bigger names for ourselves so that we, too, can retire fabulously at 50 (or 55, if I want to totally morph into my father's mini-me). Being an orchid fan, I commented on the beautiful orchids growing on every tree. He explained their symbiotic relationship and how the orchid helps prevent a specific type of palm disease. All trees were numbered...David thought that it was so that you could figure out which villa was yours at night when you had a few too many drinks. Instead, they were numbered by the island's environmental police. Michael told us of the strict building laws, the strict nature laws (basically, you cannot remove any plant unless is has fallen), and how they number each palm tree to ensure that none have been removed. If one dies, it must be replaced within a specified time period. Thus, we learned that 40 does not say "turn right! This is your villa, drunkie!" but instead provides a way for the environmental police who randomly jump out of the forest to patrol the land keep track of the trees. In the meantime, nine year old girls in Bangkok are selling themselves.

Soon, the Gokce's showed up and it was drinks all around. Another honeymooning couple, Keith and Brethney (of Dublin), arrived. They had met the Gokce's previously, sat down, and immediately ordered us a round of drink. And another. And then another. Those crazy Irish. Brethney said that I completely looked Irish. If looking at her was any comparison, I totally do. We had the nose, the lips, the hair, the skin, the eyes. We spent the night drinking it up. Every round we tried to buy was refused between the Turks and the Irish. When on vacation, we develop bad health habits. At the same time, we're being active all day. I believe in a counterbalance there.

It was nearing nine when the bunch of us headed off to dinner. The five others walked through the sand directly to the restaurant. I, on the other hand, had to use the facilities so I took the dark path where the beach meets jungle to get to the restroom. While on the path, I noticed something up ahead about five feet.

Slithering, it made it’s way to the path. I hadn’t even completed the mental thought of, “Oh my god! Is that a COBRA?!!!” before three staff members ran up to the path with large sticks and started whacking away. My fear was confirmed. I was watching a five and a half foot long cobra being killed in front of my very eyes. As they picked up what I presumed was a lifeless body, I started to rush toward to ask if I could see it. No one would let me come near and quickly ushered it away behind a fence.

As I rounded the bathroom to the dining table, I couldn’t wait to tell everyone what I had just witnessed. As soon as they saw me, everyone started saying things like, “I’m glad your okay!”, “Good thing you came from that direction! There’s a cobra out here!” I related the cobra killing back to all the guests and got filled in on the parts that I missed. Apparently, right before our group headed from the bar to dinner, a three year old girl saw the cobra and said “snake” to everyone. The cobra went right past the restaurant and onto the path where I was coming up. The three employees that had killed it? Brave restaurant servers. Later on, one proudly came over to me with his cellphone bearing a photo of the dead cobra.

While the official hotel stance on cobras was “deny, deny, deny”, one staff member told us that there was another one that they had been trying to catch. It was currently taking up residence under the spa pavilion. “Don’t worry! Not king cobra! Only ngoo how si nooan! King cobra bites throat. Other cobra bite legs and ankles. You survive leg bites.” For some odd reason, this didn’t make me feel better. From then on, each step we took was a bit more tentative. Upon our return to the states, we discovered that the “ngoo how si nooan” (equatorial spitting cobra) is highly aggressive, straightens up and spits poison into your eyes from up to three meters away. That’s right folks…with three meters being over nine feet, that five foot distance between me and the cobra provided absolutely no safety from possible permanent cornea damage.

Koh Yao Island - Day Five - So Big It Needs Several Posts!

2008-08-12T10:39:00.005-06:00

We woke early with big excitement in our hearts. Today was the day we were to see the world from an amazingly large perspective, an Asian elephant. Having ridden elephants once before, we knew that we were in for a great time.

Our guide for the day would be Man, an islander whom we met in 2004 and developed a bond with. The local environmentalist, Man spent a lot of time on our last trip discussing some of the issues plaguing their oceans and forests. Man was responsible for this excursion, knowing that tourist dollars brought to elephant camps save other elephants from a lifetime of abuse.

We hopped onto the long tail boat and set in for a long boat ride over to Krabi province. Knowing full well that my favorite activity in the world is hanging out on the bow of long tails, cruising through the water, listening to my iPod, and gazing at the scenery, Man set up pillows on the bow for me to lounge away on. I popped my headphones into my ears and spent the next 55 minutes with such a huge grin on my face that my cheeks hurt.

We passed fishing operations, both individual efforts and those of hundreds aboard commercial fishing boats. We passed islands jutting straight out of the ocean, sometimes with a lone home perched on the edge. One home was on a cliff so steep that their only tsunami escape paths were huge bamboo rods stretching up the cliffs.

The tsunami…How different the islands were from 2004 when we left just days before the waves hit the sands our toes had just walked through. Back then, we had commented on the lack of tsunami evacuation plans. Used to vacationing in Hawaii where escape routes are on the back of every bathroom door, we had come up with our own plan just in case. This time around, there was no need for an individual one and nowhere was this more apparent than Krabi which was hit the second hardest by the waves. From the second we stepped off the boat, we were greeted by tsunami evacuation signs. Walking past one beach, we passed a stone sign that filled me with sorrow: Krabi Tsunami Memorial. A bronze hand sticking out of water, reaching for safety. As the artist explains, “This tragedy reminds us how fragile our lives are and how little we can do except to hold onto each other. These hands say I will not let you go, but do not abandon me. Keep your grip. Hold me close forever and ever.”

The Thai tourism industry has not recovered. Many tourists are from other Asian countries and hold beliefs that the dead walk the beach. We were often thanked for returning to Thailand despite the tsunami. The baht surely shows that Thailand is struggling…it never gained back momentum.

Using our tourist dollars to help the economy and save elephants, we headed into the jungle to visit the elephant camp. Step one: climb up to a large platform. Step two: remove your shoes because nothing feels as nifty as running your toes over an elephant’s hairy back. Step three: board elephant…hook camera to a safe place.

David got elephant sickness the last time we rode one. I told him to let his body go loosey-goosey and just go with the elephant flow. Pretty soon, he was snapping photos like crazy. When we came across the macaw monkeys, I pulled the video camera out and started to make the Blair Elephant Project…a wobbly film set deep in the jungle with crazy monkey sounds emanating from every direction. The macaws are the third species of monkey that we have run across in our travels. They struck me as more humanlike as they sat there eating bananas off of the trees.

Moving on, we somehow came across a lizard. While the lizard may actually look calm in this photo, not a second later he turned into the devil. Flailing around with his hood up, he securely latched his teeth around David’s finger. I belly laughed while he screamed and tried to shake the lizard off of his index finger. Eventually, the thing let go and went flying through the air. It is a long drop to the ground from the back of an elephant if you are human…imagine that poor lizard. Between my gecko experience and David’s experience, we were starting to get a bad rap in the lizard world.

I enjoyed the rest of the ride from the best vantage point, on top of the elephant’s head. The mahout had changed places with me, leading to my discovery of perfect elephant balance. If I’m ever in need of work, I think I can be Thailand’s first white, female mahout. It would be a great job if it wasn’t for those damned elephant mosquitoes.

[1] Mahout: elephant driver.

Koh Yao - Day Four - The Sunset Trip

2008-08-06T15:58:00.014-06:00

With no activities planned until the late afternoon, we actually slept in until eight. We did our usual: rise, go for a swim, eat breakfast. With our backs and shoulders feeling the effects of the sun from the previous day of island hopping, we opted to stay shaded all day. We stretched breakfast out as long as we could before heading back to our villa to dig out books.

Oh, poor us…having to spend our day reading instead of getting out and enjoying it all. Quite the opposite for someone who loves to read! We played a game of “dodge the sun” all day, moving our chairs to different parts of our veranda. David was deep in to James Frey’s My Friend Leonard. I got about 1/3 of the way through Frances Mayes A Year in the World: Journeys of a Passionate Traveller before I had to switch the pace to No Touch Monkey!: And Other Travel Lessons Learned Too Late, a compilation of travel’s woes that I could hardly put down.

If one thing can make me put a book down, it is a spa.[1] We headed to the spa for a sunburned back treatment and a facial each.[2] Both of us giggled away in our respective changing rooms while we tried to figure out the complexities of the Thai sarong. David had nothing but a round piece of fabric to work with while mine required moves that would have been better suited for Shiva. We enjoyed tea before heading up through the terraced rice fields, still in tact, to our massage pavilion. With no doors, we were able to hear the frogs croaking nearby, birds singing, waves crashing, and the occasional prayer of a spa attendant as she visited the nearby Buddhist shrine. It was a wonderful way to spend 2.5 hours and avoid the sun.

By four, it was time for our evening adventure, a sunset trip. As the sun sets on the other side of the island, David was excited for the photography opportunities. I was excited to get into a village for some local food.

We were taken by boat, the only accessible way around the island from where we were, to a dock on the south side. From there, our guide grabbed a jeep and drove us to the other side of the island stopping occasionally to peruse a rubber plantation or take photos. Once in the village, David and I headed to the only ATM at the island’s only convenience mart, the 7-11. We couldn’t resist going inside, knowing what wonderful treats awaited us. This was no Snickers and Dorito’s shop, oh no. I immediately headed over to the hard candy section to stockpile the four small bags of Kopiko coffee candy they had and then tore off to the aisle that contained nothing but snacking seaweed, a personal favorite. David procured happy smack and bottles of Thai iced tea.

Loaded up, we proceeded to walk around the village. Comprised of only one street, it was amazing how much we had to look at. Fruit stands abounded and we would stop to try their wares, purchasing additional fruit every now and then. Seafood farmers displayed the morning’s catch. Mainly, we wandered around noticing the subtle differences between this secluded island and Bangkok. The vendors served different wares, focusing on the abundance of food in the ocean instead of land-based animals like ducks and pigs. While dogs are the street roamers of Bangkok, cats are the roamers of Koh Yao.

Of course, all of this really isn’t that subtle if you know a little about Muslim culture. While Bangkok is mainly Buddhist, the southern parts of Thailand are predominantly Muslim with Koh Yao being 98% Muslim. Both pigs and dogs are considered to be unclean. The religious nature of the island also makes it difficult to find alcohol outside of the resorts but we conquered, coming back with a huge bottle of Malibu to enjoy for the rest of the week. Traveling around the island, we came across a section with 25 huts floating over the water. We were informed that they were fish farms, a way to sustainably fish the island by raising babies, keeping them safe, and eventually turning them into our dinner. I loved a sign in front of the fish farm beach: Koh Yao Real Livelihood. Real men are fishermen.

After killing time in the village, we headed down to the dock to watch the sunset. Just as the sky was turning pink, I had the third major experience of my trip…hearing the Muslim call to prayer emanating from the mosque. I’ve heard the call to prayer in movies, on television but have always wanted to experience the real thing. I sat there, happy as a clam, listening to the call while watching the sun set on the horizon.

As nighttime fell, we headed back to the jeep to travel to dinner. Walking back to the car, our guide told me that Koh Yao has no crime. A cat was walking by the car and the guide stooped down to pet it and whisper kind things. As I climbed in the back seat, my foot hit something on the floor. Our guide had set a bag of two fried chicken pieces next to me prior to getting to the dock. I picked up the torn bag to find only one chicken piece inside. Giggling, I said “You said no crime on Koh Yao but the cat stole your chicken!” He shook his finger at the kitty, climbed out of the car and surrendered the remaining piece to the starving animal.

David and I were anxious to get away from resort food and back to true Thai cooking. We headed to a little restaurant built over the wetlands. After seating, I excused myself to the bathroom, passing through the kitchen on the way in. It was this moment that separated us from other tourists. Open to the elements with fish in just about every nook and cranny, most tourists would have preferred to go without dinner than eat here. We knew different…This is where the good stuff would be found!

We started with tom kha goong, a slightly spicy shrimp, lemongrass, and coconut soup before splitting two large fish: pla kapong keemao, a whole fried fish with garlic sauce, and pla rad prick, a whole fish steamed with Thai red chili peppers. We asked for everything “ped ma”, very spicy. Our waitress wasn’t so sure that we could handle it, hesitating as she delivered the food. As the best part of any fish is the head, we fought over who would eat the cheeks and who would eat the eyes with us splitting each fish equally in the end. We seemed to be the dinner entertainment of the night as all the surrounding Thai families watched the two farangs eat like a local. Pretty soon, a familiar and beaming face was coming over to greet us. Apparently, we had been eating at Ma’s family’s restaurant. Ma is one of our favorite locals who also works at the Paradise. She is the best English speaker on the island. Ma was very excited that we were at her restaurant and blushed when we told her that the food was the best we had had on our trip so far. She questioned us, “Even better than Paradise?” “Way better than Paradise. Paradise food too bland”. She laughed and said, “Yes, international food for tourists.” She happily brought over her brother, the chef, and sister, our waitress, so that we could pay our compliments directly to them. Before dinner was over, the call to prayer was once again traveling across the island. I would hear it once more, the final prayer call of the day, while waiting to return to our villa.

By the time we got on the boat, the village was a ghost town. With no lights to dull the heavens, the sky seemed to be hurling stars at us. We felt like a part of the Milky Way, never before so visible to our bare eyes. It was a familiar sky but with its sharp differences, like how the Big Dipper was straight up and down instead of sideways, a reminder of just how far from home we really were. The half hour boat ride back was the highlight of my day…nothing but the sound of the boat cutting through the calm water, guided by the twinkling of stars.

We walked the beach line back to our villa, not stopping to socialize. We had a big day planned the following morning, emphasis on big.

[1] Note to self: life’s ultimate pleasure may just be reading a great book while being pampered at the spa. Oh, and I must be fed dates.
[2] Special shout out to Stephanie and Nyron: If it wasn’t for you dressing David up in girl’s clothes and giving him a girl name as a child, my husband might have just been a different man. A man who doesn’t enjoy the spa or spa nights and that would be a damn shame.

Koh Yao Island - Day Five - From Elephants to Snakes

2008-08-05T18:40:00.000-06:00

Dinner Snapshot - Vegetable Soup

2008-08-01T09:38:00.006-06:00

Vegetable Soup

This recipe is the result of me chopping a whole bunch of vegetables on Tuesday for veggie kabobs, getting bored of it, and having something else for dinner. By Thursday, I really wanted to use the vegetables before they went to waste but knew they were a little past their prime. I revived them in this tasty soup. As I didn't measure anything, all amounts are estimates.

2 cloves of garlic, chopped

1 medium yellow onion, fine dice

1 lb eggplant, cut into large chunks

1 large red bell pepper, cut into large chunks

16 mushrooms, trimmed

1 large can of tomatoes

1 teaspoon salt, or to taste

1 teaspoon pepper, or to taste

3 sprigs of fresh oregano

2 sprigs of fresh tarragon

2 sprigs of fresh thyme

1/2 bag whole wheat pasta shells, cooked

1. Put all ingredients into a crockpot and add as much water as will fit. Cook on high for about 5 hours or until the eggplant and other vegetables are no longer floating but have cooked down and sunk down.

2. When cooked, cool soup until room temperature or cooler. I cooled it overnight in the refrigerator.

3. In small batches, blend the cooled soup just until it has some large chunks left. Pour each batch into a saucepan and start to heat.

4. When heated, stir in the cooked pasta shells and warm several more minutes.

5. Serve with warm crusty bread. Idea, add a dash of cream when serving or during the blending process if you would like a creamier soup.

Dinner Snapshot - Vegetable Risotto

2008-07-30T10:21:00.005-06:00

Vegetable Risotto

adapted from Williams-Sonoma Weeknights

5 cups vegetable broth

1 1/2 cups dry white wine

1 tbs unsalted butter

3 tbs olive oil

1 small yellow onion, finely chopped

2 cups Arborio rice

1 lb zuchinni, cut into 1/2 chunks

2 cups broccoli, cut into bite-sized pieces

1/4 cup fresh mint, minced

1 cup Parmesan cheese

kosher salt and fresh ground pepper

1. Cook the Risotto

In a saucepan over medium heat, bring the broth and wine to a gentle simmer, then maintain the simmer over low heat. Meanwhile, in a heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter with 1 tbs of the oil. Add the onion and saute until softened, about five minutes. Add the rice and cook, stirring constantly, until all gains are opaque and well coated with the fat, about 1 minute. Add 2 cups of the broth mixture and cook, stirring frequently (about every minute) until the liquid is absorbed, 3-4 minutes.

2. Saute the Vegetables

While the rice is cooking, in a frying pan over medium heat, warm the remaining 2 tbs of oil. Add the broccoli and cook 2 minutes. Add the zucchini and saute just until softened, about 4 minutes. Remove from heat.

3. Finish the Risotto

Stir the rice occassionally, about every three minutes. When the rice is tender and creamy but the grains are still al dente at the center, after about 22 minutes, stir in the sauteed vegetables and the mind and cook for 1 minute to heat through. Stir in the cheese. Season to taste with salt and pepper and serve.

Notes:

1. When stirring, make sure you are scraping up the stuff at the bottom. If you don't get it up, it will stick and burn. The best time to do this is when you add broth.

2. The receipe says that it takes 30 minutes start to finish. That's bull. Between David chopping vegetables at the beginning and both of us stirring rice and sauteeing vegetables at the same time, it took about an hour. The only way that this can be done in 30 minutes is if you have a sous chef prepare all the ingredients before hand and have the sous chef focus on stiring while you do all the other steps of the recipe. Martha Stewart must have created this recipe!

3. Risotto is not hard to prepare, so don't back away in fear. Just follow my stirring recommendations.

4. Although lengthy and labor intensive, this was a great dinner. Good for a Sunday night.

Koh Yao - Day Three

2008-07-25T18:34:00.002-06:00

Once again, I was up before the birds. David had made it a habit to wake up with me as the best light for photography is at dawn. We patrolled the beach together, went swimming for a bit, ate breakfast, and headed off to the dock to take a longtail boat island hopping. It was a snorkeling trip to the different islands around the area so we packed up our sunscreen and iPods for a long day of relaxing.

Just roaming around on a longtail boat is my absolute favorite activity in Phang Nga bay so I was happy on the boat as well as off, oohing and ahhing over the amazing scenery and life on the water. The opportunities for pictures were abundant: fishermen on their longtails, trying to feed their family; a roving pack of fishermen that set up home on the beach while they roam like gypsies; sea birds perched on single rocks jutting out of the ocean; flying fish leaping out of the water as they rode next to our boat.

We started with Koh Hong (Room Island). As tide hadn’t fully come in, we couldn’t take a motorized longtail into the rooms…kayak depths only. Instead, we went to the other side of the island to relax on Pelay beach. I placed our blanket in the sand, our beach mats in the shade, slathered on the sunscreen and headed into the bay with my snorkel gear. The island is framed by limestone formations so it gives it an enclosed feel, like in that Leo movie The Beach. It was incredible.

More incredible than the surrounding view was the view underwater. The surface was boiling with tropical fish: puffer fish, butterfly fish, mackerel, crabs, lobsters, cuttlefish, parrotfish. I showed David the keys to snorkeling, leg movement and location. Always snorkel or dive near a shelf, wall, or reef! That’s where the life is! Keep your legs straight, power yourself along by using your hips to move your legs. Soon, we were being passed by jellyfish and diving down to play with giant clams and sea anemone.

When we were done snorkeling, we headed back to the beach to sunbathe. With very few people in this area, we had wide portions of beach to ourselves. While I dozed, David took photos. What I didn’t know about the island before I left was that they harvest cave swift nest’s for the making of bird’s nest soup. If I would have known that, I would have spent my time watching men climb bamboo poles to ridiculous heights in order to gather them. I could have slept another time. Like on the next island.

From Koh Hong, we stopped at a formation of three rocks between two islands. Putting our snorkel gear back on, we jumped in and swam around these rocks probably fifteen times. I’ve both dove and snorkeled in some amazing places but I have never seen colors like I did around these rocks. The coral was unbelievable and came in a phosphorescent green, electric blue, fiery orange, and Barbie pink. Sea fans in all shades of purple swayed in the current. Diving down, I found conch and sea snails hanging out in the crevices and would bring them to the surface to show David. It made me very excited about the prospect of having a child so that I can share nature’s wondrous things with her. After snorkeling in this spot, David determined that he wants to get dive certified.

As I had spent a good majority of the past few days in the water, I decided that it would be a good idea to inquire about sharks. “No, no sharks here. Only tiger sharks. No dangerous,” was the response I received. I replied that tiger sharks attack humans frequently and kill more of their attack victims than great whites. He laughed and laughed as if to say, “Ha ha. I couldn’t pull one over on you! You may die by tiger shark! Won’t that be amusing.”

We progressed on to another nearby island complete with its own set of fishing gypsies. We ate lunch under the palm trees, snorkeled a bit, and felt like a zoo animal as the fishermen watched us. I opted to take a nap. David opted to take photographs.

After five hours of snorkeling and sunbathing, I was feeling pretty sun-drenched and was slightly dismayed when I heard that there was one more island stop. At this point, a fish was just another fish and a beautiful island was just another island. I hung out in the shallows, sitting in the sand as the tide washed over me and a school of small fish tried to determine if I was food. Like a giant mirror, the ocean reflected that sun right back at me and I found myself not regretting a more liberal use of sunscreen throughout the day.

By the time that we got back to the Paradise, it took all of my strength to stay awake until dinner. We sat ourselves in one of two romantic pavilions, mainly because we were so exhausted that we wanted to be left alone. I had a delicious rack of lamb, David had an amazing seafood pasta dish. That’s pretty much all I can say about the evening considering we were asleep by 8:30!

Koh Yao - Day Two

2008-07-23T13:25:00.009-06:00

I awoke just moments before the early morning light woke the birds. Sneaking out of bed, I raised the window coverings and crawled back under the blanket to watch the sun rise. As the multitudes of sea and jungle birds started what, at six a.m., can only be described as obnoxious squawking[1], David woke too. I stood up, gazed out at the beach and commented on how lovely the ocean looked. Suddenly, David was breezing past me while putting his swim trunks on. “Taking a dip in the pool?” I asked, thinking that he just stepping out the door to our private pool. “Screw the pool!” David yelled, beginning what would be our basic attitude from there on out. Screw the pool. With all that ocean, we were going to take advantage of something that we just don’t have. I struggled to quickly change into a bikini and grab our shockproof/waterproof camera before flying out the door after him. Soon, both of us were swimming, he freestyle while I favored the breaststroke and backstroke stopping occasionally to check out whatever new nick we had obtained from kicking a rock or coral.

There was just something so calming about swimming on my back, my eyes free to look at the lush greenery that surrounded me. From the water you can barely see the Paradise, so perfectly built into nature. Looking out to the sea, limestone islands covered in palm trees and thick with wildflowers. Wild, in Thailand, is a lot more interesting than your average wildflower.

While I floated along, David powered on out to the swimming platform right where the shelf drops off. It was a mile out and I didn’t have the desire to swim that far. I watched as David made it to the platform and took victorious pictures of himself with the islands making for the perfect background. They were going to be some neat photos. He did a dramatic dive into the water and swam back to meet me. We were about ¾ of the way back to the beach when David started furiously patting down his pockets. His tan face went pale. “Where’s the camera?” I asked, already knowing the answer. “It-was-in-my-pocket-and-I-zipped-it-up-before-jumping-off-the-platform,” he answered in a stream of consciousness that could only be described as panicked.

These are the times that try newlyweds, the times when men somehow blame it on the woman or the woman storms off in a quiet rage. We handled it amazingly well, although I did let one or two remarks slip about throwing away $500 or responsibility. As the camera was good up to depths of 10 feet and it had been pretty shallow most of the time, we agreed that we could do nothing more than grab some snorkel gear and do a sweep. We headed off to the recreation hut and were met by an employee who surprised us when we told him that we had lost our waterproof camera. “Olympus?” he asked, knowing his cameras very well…something that you don’t on a remote island. “You were the ones swimming early this morning? You made it out far. You swam long.” He said, smiling and handing us our snorkeling equipment.

We returned to the ocean optimistic…we had swum in a pretty straight line and the ocean was only about 5 feet deep for the majority of that time. With a final spit into our masks and the snap of a flipper, we set off on the Great Camera Snorkel of ’08. With tide coming in, the water was so filled with silt that I couldn’t even see my bright orange flippers if I stood up. There was no way in hell we were going to find the camera, but I continued on for an hour before giving in.

Meeting up with David, he mentioned that it probably came out of his pocket when he dove off the swimming platform. There was a deep shelf right there, reducing the odds of finding the camera. “Nemo’s totally taking photos of all his friends by now,” I said. With that, we returned to our villa to wash up for breakfast. All by 8:00 a.m.

By 8:15, I had let the camera go realizing that I hated the photos it took when it wasn’t under or on water. David agreed and for the next three days we attempted to throw away the camera charger while the housekeeping staff religiously pulled it out as if it had fallen in there. Three days in a row.

With the first morning came addiction to something so terribly delicious that I would die of an early coronary if was readily available to me every day of my life…coconut jam. Trust me, it is every bit as delicious as it sounds and I spent the next eight days paring it with other jams: banana, strawberry, lime, pineapple, apricot. I’m pleased to report that they all compliment coconut

When the tide goes out, it really goes out. The Paradise has a beach shuttle to take you to this beautiful little island that has two bays, a sandbar to another island, and plenty of sun and shade. This gives you a way to spend a day swimming at times when it is impossible at the Paradise. We had signed up for that day’s shuttle but threw in the towel and opted to stay at the Paradise when ten other people showed up for the excursion.

Right before our wedding, I had found this awesome beach bag with a large, lightweight beach blanket inside. I hauled it across the world with me and boy, was it nice. As we lay beachside, I would catch the long gazes from other guests as they struggled to keep off the sand on their beach towel. We spent an entire day doing nothing…reading, listening to our iPods, eating our daily fruit basket and snoozing to the sound of this tropical paradise.

We found ourselves alone, save one other couple positioned way down the beach. The tide was in that day making the beach shuttle unnecessary, yet only four of us opted to stay. It was our own private paradise.

I’ve always attributed my love of oceans and pools to my being a Pisces, a fish. I’ve discovered that David loves to be in the water as much as I do…he’s a Cancer, a crab. We spent so much time in the water every day of our trip that it was ridiculous. When the tide was out, it didn’t matter! There was still plenty to do in the tide pools and I would spend hours tromping around barefoot on the rocky reef. I love ocean creatures so I was always picking up a sea cucumber, starfish, mussel, oyster, conch or sea snail to show David. I would tromp back and forth the distance to him twice in the time that it would take him to reach me as he has very girlie feet. He would use his fancy camera to snap away at whatever I brought him and then I would gently return the creature to its home.

By four, we were exhausted and headed back inside to take a two hour nap. It is amazing how fast your day goes by when you do nothing but lounge around. It is also terribly exhausting. Once we were showered, it was off to the beach bar for some pre-dinner drinks and conversation. One of the most beautiful places to sit at the bar is at either of two high, long tables made out of fallen wood. The bench behind them faces the ocean…it is marvelous just to sit there and watch the setting sun change the sky pink.

As I sat there, leaf matter kept falling off of the tree above and onto my shirt. When some landed on my leg, I smacked it off. As I swatted, my hand registered that whatever I hit had depth to it. I was certain that I had just killed a gecko. Hopping down to the ground, I found this poor little gecko unconscious in the sand. “Oh no!” I exclaimed while repeatedly poking it in the stomach. The manager teased me that the island’s environmental police were going to jump out of the woods and arrest me for killing a gecko. I felt terrible yet continued to poke the gecko. Suddenly, it flipped itself over and scrambled up the tree like nothing had ever happened.

I went back to my fruity drink and broad beans[2], ordering another drink to get over the shock of almost killing the poor little guy. You see, we love geckos. Everywhere tropical that we have ever traveled has had a house gecko in our room. While other guests may freak out, we welcome them for their mosquito-eating prowess and cute squeaking noises.

The rest of the night was a blur of tequila shots with those fun loving Turks, Gokce and Gokce. I’m surprised that I made it back to the room. This was not going to be a good start to our island hopping excursion the next day.

[1] Obnoxious Squaking: No, I am not one of those people that write on TripAdvisor that they didn’t like a hotel because there were too many bugs in the jungle or that the frogs were too loud after the rains. I love the birds, the birds are very pretty…just not at five a.m.
[2] Broad bean: a wide bean native to Southwest Asia and served fried and salted. It’s so delicious. I hate peanuts. Why can’t America use broad beans instead?

Koh Yao - Day One

2008-07-18T18:30:00.000-06:00

No matter what, something bad always happens on our intra-country flights. When we went to Thailand in 2004, it happened on our flight from Chiang Mai (coming from a hotel that we loathed) to a remote island that we had built up in our minds as paradise. When we got to the Thai Airways boarding desk, they said that they gave our seats away because we didn’t call 24 hours in advance. Nothing on the boarding agreement said anything about that rule. Hours later, we negotiated our way on another flight and arrived in Phuket so late that we missed our transfer to the island and had to stay the night at another crappy hotel. In Guatemala in 2007, it was our flight from Flores to Guatemala City. We were leaving the jungle to go to this beautiful old Spanish-style city surrounded by volcanoes. When we got to the airport, we found out the early flight had been canceled and that they may cancel this one too. Just because. We ended up getting to Guatemala City two hours later than scheduled and then spent another three in the freezing cold luggage area with no bathroom while we waited for our luggage to go all the way back to Flores and return again, thus earning Taca Airlines the dubious nickname of Caca Airlines.

This time, I was prepared for the worst and planned for it as well. I packed emergency clothing in my carry-on (for an island, this meant one dress, one bathing suit, one pair of flip flops and two bottles of sunscreen), had the concierge call Thai Airlines 72 hours in advance to confirm our reservations, ensured that I had no hairspray, no lighter, no matches, no nail clippers and so forth in my purse, and headed off totally comfortable in the fact that we would be on that plane. Confident, we approached the ticketing agent who was all smiles. She found our reservation, went to print our boarding passes, and then said, “credit card?” I informed her that the tickets were paid. She politely informed me that the credit card that we made our reservation with was required to be shown before she gave us boarding passes. I, not so politely, informed here that absolutely nowhere on the boarding agreement did it say that. She wouldn’t budge. Also not so politely, I dropped the f-bomb at her. She recoiled and I immediately felt terrible. David took over and found out that we had to go to the ticketing department, purchase new tickets and have the old tickets refunded. Considering that I am still waiting for Thai Airways to refund $500 of tickets from May when I found that they had the tickets cheaper and bought them again (under their refund policy), I wasn’t quite convinced that I would see the money any time soon. We were traveling with our debit card only, so it was a damn good thing we had the flexibility to pay for that unexpected expense.

We made it through three security checkpoints and were going through our very last one with the gate in clear sight when David got stopped. “This is going to be bad,” I thought and it was. In the agent’s hands was a bottle of our favorite scotch, Glenmoragie 18 year, purchased for a pleasing price at Taiwan’s duty-free store. What ensued was 15 minutes of me, David, one agent, and three other agents that would occasionally come over to listen to the conversation while none of the agents actually spoke English. This made it very hard to communicate that it came from the duty-free store (even though it was in a duty-free bag). Eventually, someone got it and asked to see the receipt. David went pale, said that it was in his checked luggage, and this is how our plan to save money at the Paradise (by drinking our expensive scotch for cheap instead of the reverse at their beach bar) went into the garbage. The agents said that there was possibly no way that we could get his bag checked in time as the plane was leaving at any moment. With that, after trying to shove the bottle on the agent, I cringed as David threw it into the garbage. We then sat in the airport terminal for another hour while our flight was delayed.

We had a non-eventful but freezing-cold flight to Phuket where the immediate heat and humidity that greeted us was welcoming. We located our driver from the Paradise easily and were driven to the dock. I’d have to say that the Phuket airport is the prettiest ever, with lush tropical trees and beautiful ocean surrounding it (well, maybe a tie with the airport on the Big Island of Hawaii). Soon we were at the dock, much changed from the last time we were there. After a nice cup of tea, we were headed back to “what we see when we dream”.

David said that it felt like coming home. We knew the boat route, we knew which bluff we needed to go around to arrive at our destination. With no visible signs other than the shape of the island, we just knew. Our bodies remembered every feeling, every sight that they saw on our last trip and stored it away for future reference. This isn't like coming home to the same boring thing but instead is coming home to jade green waters, limestone formations jutting out of the ocean, sometimes with beaches and large terrain, sometimes with a single, fauna covered towering rock. I was happy to be headed back to my weakness.

We were met by familiar faces and enthusiastically met by Man, confirmation that we made an impression on him just like he did on us. When we travel, we’re usually the ones drinking or going clubbing with the staff. I think that it is our cultural understanding and genuine friendliness that allow us to make so many friends abroad.

I had requested room 282, a jacuzzi villa overlooking both bays. As there was construction nearby and we were return customers, they upgraded us to a pool villa. That made it entirely worth losing the scotch. It was the best of the villas, set back from the main path with gardens that were very private, an excellent view of the ocean from both in and out of the infinity view pool (5’5” deep, perfect for swimming). While the layout was similar to the jacuzzi villa, it was on a much grander scale. Huge shower room, dual sinks, a dressing room, a toilet room, a closet almost as large as my office. There was also the nice addition of an outdoor swinging bench, an outdoor bar, and plenty of outdoor seating.

First step, eat lunch. Second step, change into swimwear and camp out on the beach. We spent the first six hours of our time there between the ocean, the pool, and smoking Cubans on the loungers in the sun with nothing but the sounds of lapping waves and birds to keep us company. It is absolutely amazing how exhausting just lying around can be. We lounged away hours, playing in the sand, taking photographs.

The new general manager, Michael, had implemented a manager’s social night which happened to be on the night of our arrival. We showered, got dressed up a bit and popped on down to the beach bar for many rounds of the deliciously fruity and knock-your-socks-off house drink and plenty of appetizers. This was a nice addition as it provided an easy forum to socialize with other guests and get to know the general manager as it may come in handy later. Thai cuisine has these little lettuce wrap things are made with basil instead. I think that they are absolutely to die for and had to keep myself from parking out at the wrap station once I realized that they were serving them.

I would have camped out and not cared what anyone thought of me scarfing down wrap after wrap if I didn’t just have the feeling that I was being watched. There was a couple around our age sitting next to us at the bar and I just felt eyes piercing into me but, whenever I looked, neither of them were looking at me. David decided to improve the tension by taking the walk back to the room so he could get his camera and geek out with the professional photographer who was there. Alone I sat at the bar, twiddling my thumbs. The couple eventually joined the manager at a beach table but I still had this feeling of eyes piercing through me. I finally just got up, walked over, and said “My husband’s disappeared. Do you mind if I sit down?” And that is how we ended up meeting Gokce and Gokce, a Turkish couple married the day after us, that we dub handsome Gokce or beautiful Gokce to differentiate which one we are talking about what with their same names and all.

Beautiful Gokce, an English teacher, was absolutely engaging. Handsome Gokce, a civil engineer, was more reserved mainly due to his discomfort speaking English. As the night wore on, and the drinks kept coming on, handsome Gokce became less self-conscious and more talkative and all four of us were engaged in lively banter. Beautiful Gokce mentioned that she kept staring at me because of my eyes, a blue that she said she had never seen before and matched perfectly to my shirt. She kept saying a blessing in Turkish that was something about keeping curses away from my eyes.

After hours of drinks at the bar, we headed over to the main restaurant grabbing a table for four in the sand. Thai buffet night…we all dug in. Eventually, we were doing tequila shots. Round after round until David finally noticed that our server was ever-so-slightly pacing back and forth behind our table with a quiet demeanor common to the Thais. Well past closing time, we were the only guests left. Calling it a night, we drunkenly tromped back to our rooms. The Gokce’s were in a pool villa next to ours so we took their main path back, saying goodnight as we continued on. Right after their villa, the path ended and we had to tromp through the grass and bushes in the dark to get to our villa. Alas, we had taken a wrong turn. Not having seen a snake last time we were on the island, I felt confident that there would not be a snake in the bush. I’d save that for another night. In the meantime, we blew out all of the candles that had been lit by the staff and crawled into bed, mosquito netting firmly tucked in place. Day one was complete. We were at home, we were comfortable, and we had seven more days to look forward to.